chronic illness haiku

black and white roller coaster

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life put you on the coaster

to go for the ride

may there be some happy turns

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here, thank you.

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pebbles

photography of stones

Photo by Scott Webb on Pexels.com

 

 

my thoughts are pebbles

bouncing around in my mind

keeping them afloat

 

……..wishing you a day that your thoughts remain positive

 

 

~ wendi is the author or two books, you can view them here.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

covered failings

ground group growth hands

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I was out with my entire family, something that rarely happens due to lack of funds and/ or my kids’ busy work, school and activity schedules.

During this rare treasured outing, my husband and I had purchased all of the kids a snack and they were sitting together on a bench eating, smiling, getting along and thanking us for the food.

In that moment, I became completely overwhelmed by what was playing out before me – happy, smiling, joking, loving, grateful, thankful kids.  Tears welled up in my eyes and I had a very hard time keeping myself from breaking down into uncontrolable sobs.  My son looked up at me and said, “mom, please don’t cry”  which made holding back the tears an even bigger challenge.

In the past, many of my tears were more about the guilt I have held onto for so long, raising kids while my illness took a front seat.  Having children before I knew I had these congenital illnesses, and the true horror of discovering that you have passed these nightmares onto the ones you love more than life itself.

But this is not what I was feeling in that moment.  Instead, I was caught up in pure love for my children, the extreme gratitude that God had blessed me with each one of them and felt me worthy of giving me such beautiful humans to care for.  God believed that I was worthy of being their mother, a gift I humbly treasure every – single – day.

Not only has God seen me worthy of such enormous blessings as my children, but that He has also covered over my failings, filled in the numerous cracks that I left as a ill and flawed human being.  He did what I had prayed and prayed that He would do, to make up for my many shortcomings as a parent, and despite my illnesses, allow my kids to grow up to be loving, caring, compassionate and unique individuals.  Prayers answered………and because of these gifts, my heart was too full with awe.  The happiness that flowed through my veins could not be contained within my body but instead flowed over and out my eyes………

They say that the window to one’s soul is through the eyes……….I hope my children could see that the tears were from the love overflowing in my heart for each one of them.

 

~ wendi is the author of two books that you can view here.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

soar

bird animal freedom fly

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Shatter the cage your body imprisons your mind with

Allow your spirit to remain free

To soar above the pain,

chaos

and

confusion

fear

and

uncertainty

Instead observe the magnificent beauty that surrounds you

Hidden by your perceived reality

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, which can be viewed here

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

shattered

white ceramic teacup with saucer

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the delicate tea cups sit on a shelf

dreaming delightful thoughts of being filled

waiting upon the day to soak in their sweet promises

 

one by one, year after year

the cups crash unto the floor

shattering into hundreds of pieces

leaving an unrecognizable pattern on the floor

too tired and distraught to sweep up the fragments

a graveyard of wishes for me to mourn

 

the last cup sits upon the shelf

teetering

and all i can do is hold my breath

whispering a silent prayer that this one will remain.

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

whispered my name

nature sky sunny clouds

Photo by Mabel Amber on Pexels.com

 

as the wind paused for a moment

clouds halted their voyage across the sky

the birds stopped singing

and the leaves in the trees stopped playing

 

I swear the Earth stopped moving,

if for but a brief moment,

for all to listen for the word my body ached to hear

 

you whispering my name

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

 

 

be the dragon

gray dragon statue

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I am one who wholeheartedly believes in showing kindness, thankfulness and gratitude.

But, there are days I need to be more, much more, I need to be a dragon:  fierce, relentless, strong, powerful, self-reliant, who is able to burn a path for myself to tread.

How else am I to live ill, every – single – day, and still go on!?

Today I choose to be the dragon!

 

Taking flight soar as I please

Shooting fire below

To make my path more at ease

 

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

Tears

under water photo

Photo by Pete Johnson on Pexels.com

 

There are days that I just can not pretend to be ok for one more second.  The pain. The fog.  The fear.  The unknown.  It gets the best of me, despite how hard I try to ignore it.  It is in these moments that I fall apart.

I cry a personal brook, weeping myself into moments of inconsolable sadness.  As I try to pull myself out of the despair, I think about all the people who have it worse, who are in their own part of the world crying their own personal stream………babbling to themselves that no one understands.

I visualize the tears of those who cry out for help………turning into streams………the streams all meeting up forming an ocean of tears…..

These tears are not seen by many, only those who live within the ocean, on an island of illness………..it is only when the winds pick up and the ocean gains strength enough to cry out do we really see the others who live here too.

But here in the ocean of tears, you find an abundance of life, completely different than what you would find on land –  but beautiful just the same.

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

the storm

lightning strike the ground during night time

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i stand outside as the storm begins to rage

the thunder rolls in sending animals scattering,

yet i don’t move,

lightening strikes,

shaking the earth under my feet,

my body quakes with fear as the world around me appears to shatter into pieces,

strikes hits too close leaving me cowering in a heap,

 

can i within stand the storm,

can i endure the constant barrage of raging winds and ravishing rains that beat at my body……..

no place to run,

no place to hide,

not only from the storm but from myself.

i am soaked to the bone,

cold to the touch,

immense fear engulfs my mind

is shelter worth searching for,

my soul cries out for comfort,

yet, do i need saving?

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

 

 

 

 

shadows

scenic view of night sky with stars

Photo by James Wheeler on Pexels.com

 

without shadows from the past

a future could not become so radiant

 

without true darkness

stars could not shine so magically

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.