will you leave me?

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i can’t keep up with you……………

…………do you secretly want to leave me?

i anxiously worry about the future……………………what if i don’t heal

…………will you dream about leaving me?

what if i get worse………….and i can no longer leave the house?

………..will you pray about leaving me?

what if i require even more of your time and energy………………..

……….will you desire to leave me?

what if i can no longer walk by your side…………………

……………will you hope to live a life free of me?

what if you become bored and she can do more………….

………….will you plan to leave me?

i am so thankful you have stayed this long…………..is it selfish to ask for more?

who wants to be tied down when you are physically able and free to go………………….

……………do you want to leave me?

………….what if?

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10 things I do when I have to travel, while my stupid chronic illnesses tag along.

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When I was much younger, traveling was something I looked forward to doing in my life.  I dreamed that some day I/we would have enough money to visit a few places I have always dreamed of seeing in person……..Italy, India, Cuba, Belize and the Southwest U.S.  Instead, extra money goes to pay medical bills and the thought of getting on a plane or sitting in a vehicle for a long road trip creates anxiety.  I already feel ill, being in a moving anything makes me feel worse…………every, single, time. Period.  It just sucks.

But there are times in our life when we need to go somewhere that requires being in a moving vehicle for more than a trip across town, and since teleportation isn’t a thing yet, I just have to suck it up and get through it.

So here are a few things that have made traveling more bearable for me:

  1.  I stay hydrated.  I always feel better when my body has adequate water.  Bottled is a must as tap (chlorinated) water makes me instantly ill.
  2.   I eat as healthy as possible.  Junk food makes me feel like just like that, junk.  I usually pack a cooler and bring cut up veggies, fruit, nuts and seeds, grain-free tortilla chips, and some health bars.
  3.   I watch the world pass by.  Unfortunately I can’t read, look at my phone or do much of anything other than look out the window while being in a moving object.  Doing otherwise has had some bad results.
  4.   I bring my pillows and blanket with me.  I must have a wedge pillow to sleep as elevating my head at night allows me to function better the next day.  Then my own blanket to cozy up with at the end of the day allows me to sleep better.
  5.   I don’t push myself into that k(no)w zone.  You know the place of no return, when you realize that if you do anymore you won’t be able to function the next day.  I use to worry about letting others down but now, I realize that even if I am going to unintentionally hurt someone’s feelings, I won’t force my body to do things it just doesn’t want to do.  I do what I can and know I have done my best.
  6.  I do my best to take all supplements and/or medication on time.  I keep these with me as I travel so I don’t have to waste precious energy frantically searching for them at the last minute.
  7.  I bring earbuds with me so I can listen to relaxing music or a podcast when I need to focus on something other than how crappy I feel.
  8.  I pack comfortable clothing and shoes.  I know we all want to look nice but comfort is so much more important.
  9.   If I am going to be busy on the day I arrive at my destination, I always ask for early check-in.  That way I have time to relax before I need to be somewhere.
  10.    I always bring my heating pad.  That way I have something to help relieve sore muscles other than a hot shower.

 

Until next time…………..YOU are a superhero and superheros sometimes have to fly!

the stupid(est) advice people have given me

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I have heard, just like all of you, a lot of really dumb and sometimes hurtful things through my years of chronic illnesses.  I am going to share the medical suggestions that I  can remember, but I should have kept a running list, it would have filled volumes.

 

You are going to stop having children because you are ill?  That is biblically wrong, you should have as many as you are given.

You are going to have surgery to correct a congenital issue?  You need to try these drops first; my friend sells them, they are all-natural, and cured her from food allergies.

You are not praying hard enough to be cured.

You are paying for the sins of your parents.

You are paying for the sins of your forefathers; you should go listen to this pastor’s seminar on how to pray correctly to break the curse.

You do not truly believe that you will be healed, so therefore you won’t be.

If  you worked full-time you wouldn’t have time to think about your problems and you would feel better.

You should spend more time away from home and your family.

You need to go vegan.

You need to go vegetarian.

You need to go paleo.

You need to go gluten-free.

You need to go dairy-free

You need to adopt a raw diet.

You need to eat fermented foods.

You need to do a month long juice cleanse.

You need to go on a liquid diet.

You need to do the GAPS diet.

Essential oils in the proper combination can cure all ailments.

Get your chakras lined up properly.

Infrared sauna can cure your sicknesses.

Colonics eventually cures all sicknesses.

Vitamin C IV therapy cures everything.

If you didn’t worry so much your body would heal itself.

Have you tried mediating more often?

Your illnesses are all in your head.

Have you tried yoga?

You need to exercise more.

Ozone therapy will cure you.

Yea, I know how you feel having a chronic illness, I had a lot of morning sickness while pregnant.  You just need to rest more.

You should get rid of all indoor pets.

Visualize health and then you will be healthy.

Massage therapy will get rid of all the toxins stored in your body leading to a cure.

Acupuncture would heal you.

A RIFE machine has codes to cure all illnesses.

Using an infrared sauna cures everything if used regularly.

You should stop taking all meds and supplements.

You should start taking more meds and/or supplements.

You are taking the wrong meds and/or supplements.

You should check yourself into a good hospital and have them run all kinds of tests so you really know what is going on

You just need to learn to push through it, it makes you stronger.

 

Please know that I do NOT think any of the above suggestions are in and of themselves  bad.  In fact, I think many of the ideas could be beneficial to some, in addition to an appropriate health care plan.  I have just found it amazing that people, having no experience with chronic illness themselves, feel they are the ones to give the best advice.

I would love to hear the stupid(est!) advice you have been given.

Until next time…..

 

 

 

5 ways to reduce anxiety when dealing with chronic illness.

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It has been my experience dealing with illnesses for decades, that anxiety rears it evil, unwanted head often for those of us living with chronic illness.  We live in a world filled with a lot of unknowns.  This is a reality we don’t want, in a world that doesn’t really get it, and can appear as if it doesn’t care.  So, how do you tackle those moments (or days) when anxiety comes charging straight ahead and doesn’t take into consideration where you are or what you are doing?  I definitely don’t have answers, just a humble list of things that have worked (not always) for me.

  1.  Breathe.  I know this sounds so simple, but in times of extreme stress and anxiety sometimes we forget to truly breathe.  We need to take a slow, deep breath to tell our bodies that we are in control……….whether we feel like it, or not.
  2.   Remind yourself you have been here before and you got through it.  This is a big one, the road is bumpy and terrible and you want to take a detour but sometimes there is just no where to turn around.  You have to go down the road and it will end.  You’ve got this!  It may not feel like it, but I have confidence in you!
  3.  Magnesium.  Yep, only if it is allowed by your medical professional.  But for me, magnesium glycinate has helped take the edge off more times than I can remember.  Most people with CI are low, so getting your magnesium levels checked may be beneficial for you.
  4.  Meditate.  I pull up a YouTube relaxation video and do my best.  One minute is better than none!
  5.  Get up and move.  Sitting still appears to keep my thoughts stagnant and focused on the bad.  Moving my body seems to start my thoughts moving and can bring a new perspective.

On top of these five, I also have one thing I do NOT  do.  When I am really stressed out and filled with anxiety about my health (or lack there of) I want to search for solutions.  I want to get better, I don’t want to be like this.  Like everyone else suffering from CI, I want my life back.  But, I have found that “googling it” makes things worse.  No matter what you are researching it seems as if the first thing that pops up is the word cancer……..who the hell needs to read such a horrible word when you are already super stressed!

Until next time YOU are a superhero!  Only a true superhero could do what you do, day in and day out.