chronic illness haiku

black and white roller coaster

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life put you on the coaster

to go for the ride

may there be some happy turns

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here, thank you.

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pebbles

photography of stones

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my thoughts are pebbles

bouncing around in my mind

keeping them afloat

 

……..wishing you a day that your thoughts remain positive

 

 

~ wendi is the author or two books, you can view them here.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

covered failings

ground group growth hands

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I was out with my entire family, something that rarely happens due to lack of funds and/ or my kids’ busy work, school and activity schedules.

During this rare treasured outing, my husband and I had purchased all of the kids a snack and they were sitting together on a bench eating, smiling, getting along and thanking us for the food.

In that moment, I became completely overwhelmed by what was playing out before me – happy, smiling, joking, loving, grateful, thankful kids.  Tears welled up in my eyes and I had a very hard time keeping myself from breaking down into uncontrolable sobs.  My son looked up at me and said, “mom, please don’t cry”  which made holding back the tears an even bigger challenge.

In the past, many of my tears were more about the guilt I have held onto for so long, raising kids while my illness took a front seat.  Having children before I knew I had these congenital illnesses, and the true horror of discovering that you have passed these nightmares onto the ones you love more than life itself.

But this is not what I was feeling in that moment.  Instead, I was caught up in pure love for my children, the extreme gratitude that God had blessed me with each one of them and felt me worthy of giving me such beautiful humans to care for.  God believed that I was worthy of being their mother, a gift I humbly treasure every – single – day.

Not only has God seen me worthy of such enormous blessings as my children, but that He has also covered over my failings, filled in the numerous cracks that I left as a ill and flawed human being.  He did what I had prayed and prayed that He would do, to make up for my many shortcomings as a parent, and despite my illnesses, allow my kids to grow up to be loving, caring, compassionate and unique individuals.  Prayers answered………and because of these gifts, my heart was too full with awe.  The happiness that flowed through my veins could not be contained within my body but instead flowed over and out my eyes………

They say that the window to one’s soul is through the eyes……….I hope my children could see that the tears were from the love overflowing in my heart for each one of them.

 

~ wendi is the author of two books that you can view here.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

soar

bird animal freedom fly

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Shatter the cage your body imprisons your mind with

Allow your spirit to remain free

To soar above the pain,

chaos

and

confusion

fear

and

uncertainty

Instead observe the magnificent beauty that surrounds you

Hidden by your perceived reality

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, which can be viewed here

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

whispered my name

nature sky sunny clouds

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as the wind paused for a moment

clouds halted their voyage across the sky

the birds stopped singing

and the leaves in the trees stopped playing

 

I swear the Earth stopped moving,

if for but a brief moment,

for all to listen for the word my body ached to hear

 

you whispering my name

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

 

 

be the dragon

gray dragon statue

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I am one who wholeheartedly believes in showing kindness, thankfulness and gratitude.

But, there are days I need to be more, much more, I need to be a dragon:  fierce, relentless, strong, powerful, self-reliant, who is able to burn a path for myself to tread.

How else am I to live ill, every – single – day, and still go on!?

Today I choose to be the dragon!

 

Taking flight soar as I please

Shooting fire below

To make my path more at ease

 

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

Tears

under water photo

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There are days that I just can not pretend to be ok for one more second.  The pain. The fog.  The fear.  The unknown.  It gets the best of me, despite how hard I try to ignore it.  It is in these moments that I fall apart.

I cry a personal brook, weeping myself into moments of inconsolable sadness.  As I try to pull myself out of the despair, I think about all the people who have it worse, who are in their own part of the world crying their own personal stream………babbling to themselves that no one understands.

I visualize the tears of those who cry out for help………turning into streams………the streams all meeting up forming an ocean of tears…..

These tears are not seen by many, only those who live within the ocean, on an island of illness………..it is only when the winds pick up and the ocean gains strength enough to cry out do we really see the others who live here too.

But here in the ocean of tears, you find an abundance of life, completely different than what you would find on land –  but beautiful just the same.

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

part of me dies

adult alone anxious black and white

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when i see you cry

a small part of me dies

i want to shelter you from every storm

create a world that is safe

for you to be free from pain

i want you to move through life as you please

independently with abundance of laughter and joy

but life is not always fair

bad things happen to extraordinary people

and despite my deepest desire and my fervent prayers

i can’t make it better

 

so when i see you cry

part of me dies…….

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

the storm

lightning strike the ground during night time

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i stand outside as the storm begins to rage

the thunder rolls in sending animals scattering,

yet i don’t move,

lightening strikes,

shaking the earth under my feet,

my body quakes with fear as the world around me appears to shatter into pieces,

strikes hits too close leaving me cowering in a heap,

 

can i within stand the storm,

can i endure the constant barrage of raging winds and ravishing rains that beat at my body……..

no place to run,

no place to hide,

not only from the storm but from myself.

i am soaked to the bone,

cold to the touch,

immense fear engulfs my mind

is shelter worth searching for,

my soul cries out for comfort,

yet, do i need saving?

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

 

 

 

 

writing

person holding orange pen

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release all my thoughts

 

may my hand express the heart

 

let my words send love

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

 

 

~ I am the author, under the pen name Charlie Lee Austin, of Frugal Seeds 501 Ways to Make, Save or Stretch a Dollar.