flicker

lighted candle

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pitch darkness is a space where you are forced to discover what you are truly made of and how you were created

veils fall off those who surround you, and their souls reveil as they truly are

terror strikes in isolating darkness,  not knowing what or who is around the next corner,  taking each step with a movement of faith, yet questioning where your faith lies

only in true darkness can you see flickers of light, from yourself, or from others in your life

allow that flickering of light, no matter how weak, illuminate your path

you were not meant for the dark, yet only by trudging through the darkness can you truly appreciate the light.

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Tears

under water photo

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There are days that I just can not pretend to be ok for one more second.  The pain. The fog.  The fear.  The unknown.  It gets the best of me, despite how hard I try to ignore it.  It is in these moments that I fall apart.

I cry a personal brook, weeping myself into moments of inconsolable sadness.  As I try to pull myself out of the despair, I think about all the people who have it worse, who are in their own part of the world crying their own personal stream………babbling to themselves that no one understands.

I visualize the tears of those who cry out for help………turning into streams………the streams all meeting up forming an ocean of tears…..

These tears are not seen by many, only those who live within the ocean, on an island of illness………..it is only when the winds pick up and the ocean gains strength enough to cry out do we really see the others who live here too.

But here in the ocean of tears, you find an abundance of life, completely different than what you would find on land –  but beautiful just the same.

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

 

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graveyard

 

brown and black snail crawling on wall

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My graveyard of regrets overflows with markers

The place I would go to bury my unfulfilled hope and dreams

They lie entombed, not as a result of lack of effort or desire

But due to circumstances beyond my control

 

I don’t like to visit this dreadful space – yet it remains outside my front door

So I have made a plan to transform this place

Planting colorful flowers on each grave

With a prayer that each unfulfilled wish

Will create a place much more beautiful than before.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

beautiful blooming blossom blur

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~ wendi, under the pen name Charlie, is the author of Frugal Seeds: 501 Ways to Make, Save, or Stretch a Dollar

 

true love

monochrome photo of couple holding hands

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true love is not easy, in fact it is down right hard.

loving someone when everything is going well is easy, so easy it makes me laugh.

real love is when you stick around for the hard stuff.

the real hard stuff isn’t financial troubles or family squabbles…..

if you are physically well, you can work two jobs, it might be hard but, if you are healthy it is doable.

family issues can be worked out if you have the health to endure them or capable to physically pick yourself up and move.

but illness………it shakes you to the core.  lives are transformed in an instant, roles change, individuals get lost in the symptoms leaving the caretaker to fed for themselves in a sea of uncertainty.

only with true love do you have the freedom to heal.

Today, may you experience a sense of healing, no matter how small.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

 

~ wendi, under the pen name Charlie, is the author of Frugal Seeds: 501 Ways to Make, Save, or Stretch a Dollar.

what if?

woman dark eye spooky

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what if there was no sadness?

what if there was no pain?

what if there was no sorrow?

what if there was no illness?

what if there were no struggles?

what if there was no evil?

what if there was no hunger?

 

what would all of that mean?

 

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A picture is worth a 1,000 words.

adventure attraction blur calm

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…..or maybe just a hundred or so.

Although this post has little to do with living simply with chronic illness, I wanted to write down why I chose the picture I did as the “theme” for this blog.  Yes, the picture was one of the free choices, but once I saw the photo I knew it was perfect.

In my imagination the picture creates an image of  a small farm in the late fall with a barn standing proudly next to the beautifully sunlit apple orchard.  The barn made me think of me, weather beaten, worn, tired and working hard to remain standing against all that mother nature continues to throw at me.  I look functional and I still have an important job to do but the outside looks so much stronger than what in going on inside.

The trees represent those of us with chronic illness standing so alone, yet gathered together for a common purpose.  We are bare and vulnerable to the elements without the covering of leaves and fruit and the health that others take so much for granted.  We were once bursting with the fullness of life, just like the trees in the spring and summer, but now it is autumn, with the hope that spring will come again.

It is dawn and with it comes the promise of a new day.  Each new day gives us a fresh start  with endless possibilities and hopes of a miracle.  Maybe, just maybe, this day will bring a miracle for you and for me.  Here is to new days, hopes, and dreams that just may come true.

kitchen distraction

bazaar bottles business ceramic

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……..and it is not something I use to make cooking quicker; it does not spiral, chop or mix, nor is it something that actually sits on the counter. Instead, it is securely fastened to the underside of one of my kitchen cabinets, the one closest to my sink.

So what is it you wonder and how could it help make my life in the kitchen easier?  My favorite kitchen appliance is actually a combination radio/DVD/CD player.  It was something my parents had in their basement and when it was offered to me, I jumped at the opportunity to own such an amazing invention.

Since it was gifted to me, it has been my constant companion.  Whether I am cooking or cleaning it allows my mind it focus on something other than the tiredness and aching I feel in my body.  This allows me to work longer in the kitchen accomplishing more every time I am in there. So, not only am I able to physically stay in the kitchen longer, I am also enjoying an audio-book or a movie that makes me happy, or music that lifts me up.  I am so thankful I have something that is such a blessed distraction.

Here’s to things that make our lives just a little bit easier!

When you get the flu…

brown and white bear plush toy

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Over a week ago, I had been working on another post and I was really struggling with putting my thoughts on paper.  Although this is a daily issue for me, it seemed as if I was having more trouble than usual.  So, I put it aside and was feeling mad at myself for not being able to push through and get something “readable” on the computer screen.  Two days later I woke up with the flu.

Thank goodness it has been 18 years since I have had the flu this bad and by bad I really mean debilitating and miserable.  The morning I woke up with the flu I realized instantly that I had not done an adequate job planning ahead for such an event.  I am fortunate enough to have people in my life who help me out during times like these, but there is no way I am going to ask…………”hey, could you please put a whole chicken in the crock pot, add filtered water, celery, carrots and cook it for 8 hours then make it into a soup?” Nope, I wouldn’t do that plus I was so ill I couldn’t have spoken all those words at one time without taking a nap.

So, I have learned a valuable lesson.  I need to prepare for these dreaded times that I receive an extra illness.  I know that if I eat healthier while ill, I heal quicker.  I know the extra comfort that my favorite bottled water can bring me, or the soothing comfort of only cough drop that doesn’t make me sick to my stomach.  Did I have either of these things on hand, heck no!  So, planning ahead is on my list of things to do once I have fully recovered.

How do I plan on preparing for the next illness?  Great question!  I am going to have homemade chicken broth and soup waiting in the freezer.  I am going to put a bin in my closet and fill it full of things I so missed this time around………favorite bottled water, lip balm, the right cough drops, warm socks, paper plates and bowls, plastic utensils,  comforting teas and some puzzle books from the dollar store.

What do you do to prepare ahead for the cold and flu season?  I would love to hear your great ideas!