true love is not easy, in fact it is down right hard.
loving someone when everything is going well is easy, so easy it makes me laugh.
real love is when you stick around for the hard stuff.
the real hard stuff isn’t financial troubles or family squabbles…..
if you are physically well, you can work two jobs, it might be hard but, if you are healthy it is doable.
family issues can be worked out if you have the health to endure them or capable to physically pick yourself up and move.
but illness………it shakes you to the core. lives are transformed in an instant, roles change, individuals get lost in the symptoms leaving the caretaker to fed for themselves in a sea of uncertainty.
only with true love do you have the freedom to heal.
Today, may you experience a sense of healing, no matter how small.
…….choose the music that will heal your soul.
watching the sun fade into the landscape, it leaves my world dark and still,
it is in these moments that my mind starts to question all that I think to be true
it is a time when I begin to rewrite my own story….
as the dawn arrives, I face a brand new day………and I pray,
maybe today I can make it different
…..or maybe just a hundred or so.
Although this post has little to do with living simply with chronic illness, I wanted to write down why I chose the picture I did as the “theme” for this blog. Yes, the picture was one of the free choices, but once I saw the photo I knew it was perfect.
In my imagination the picture creates an image of a small farm in the late fall with a barn standing proudly next to the beautifully sunlit apple orchard. The barn made me think of me, weather beaten, worn, tired and working hard to remain standing against all that mother nature continues to throw at me. I look functional and I still have an important job to do but the outside looks so much stronger than what in going on inside.
The trees represent those of us with chronic illness standing so alone, yet gathered together for a common purpose. We are bare and vulnerable to the elements without the covering of leaves and fruit and the health that others take so much for granted. We were once bursting with the fullness of life, just like the trees in the spring and summer, but now it is autumn, with the hope that spring will come again.
It is dawn and with it comes the promise of a new day. Each new day gives us a fresh start with endless possibilities and hopes of a miracle. Maybe, just maybe, this day will bring a miracle for you and for me. Here is to new days, hopes, and dreams that just may come true.
What do you do when you have a REALLY bad day? You wake up in the morning and realize whatever you had planned, isn’t going to happen. Or maybe it hits you after your day has already started and wham! you have to leave work or the store or stop an activity with a loved one and head right back to bed. It is beyond frustrating, it is a disappointment that brings heart-breaking sadness to your soul.
Bad days/weeks for me result in having to spend that time in bed. Lying in bed gives my mind way too much to think. In the beginning, I can do a pretty decent job keeping my thoughts positive and encouraging. But as my time in bed drags on, my thoughts start turning from self encouragement to more negative and anxiety provoking, and if I am not careful I can get to a place where it will make my physical recovery just that much more difficult.
It is during these times that negative self-talk tends to flare up. Phrases like………Not again! Oh no, it this going to start happening more often? Is this a new symptom that may become permanent? How long is this episode going to last? Damn, I hate living like this! What did I do to make this happen? Who am I going to disappoint this time? If I cancel again, is s/he is going to believe me? Is this my new normal? Should I try……..(put any word in the English language here and I have probably thought it). Negative and fearful self-talk can cause anxiety and NO ONE with a chronic illness needs anymore of that!
So, we need to learn to be kind to ourselves, especially on these miserable days. We need to give ourselves permission to feel ill. To love ourselves enough to realize we did not ask for this hand we were dealt, and we didn’t do anything to create it, except to be alive in this world. We need to truly believe that none of this crap is our fault and it is out of our control. IF we had control over our illnesses, we would all be living our lives symptom-free, experiencing only good days and LOVING our lives as no (always been healthy) person could. We must learn to love our self enough to do what needs to be done to heal in the moment, so we can get up and try again.
Until next time………………YOU are a superhero!