get out of my head

close up photo of chessboard pieces

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i don’t want you here, living inside my head

questioning every decision,

every move I make,

putting useless worry into my mind,

creating chaos that cannot be calmed with relaxation or meditation

you want to destroy me

make me feel as if I cannot get better,  heal,  or live a happy life

 

i want to be lifted up

encouraged,

experience true peace,

 

so find a new place to reside

 

i am kicking you out

for good

 

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shattered

white ceramic teacup with saucer

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the delicate tea cups sit on a shelf

dreaming delightful thoughts of being filled

waiting upon the day to soak in their sweet promises

 

one by one, year after year

the cups crash unto the floor

shattering into hundreds of pieces

leaving an unrecognizable pattern on the floor

too tired and distraught to sweep up the fragments

a graveyard of wishes for me to mourn

 

the last cup sits upon the shelf

teetering

and all i can do is hold my breath

whispering a silent prayer that this one will remain.

be the dragon

gray dragon statue

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I am one who wholeheartedly believes in showing kindness, thankfulness and gratitude.

But, there are days I need to be more, much more, I need to be a dragon:  fierce, relentless, strong, powerful, self-reliant, who is able to burn a path for myself to tread.

How else am I to live ill, every – single – day, and still go on!?

Today I choose to be the dragon!

 

Taking flight soar as I please

Shooting fire below

To make my path more at ease

summer fun with kids

action beach boy child

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As many of you know I have written a book call Frugal Seeds  Summer Edition:  101 Ways to Enjoy Summer with Your Kids for Little Money.

This is can be read FREE at Amazon with KindleUnlimited or you can purchase the e-book for 99 cents.

From my family to yours……….wishing you a summer filled with blessed memories.

“Summer time is the best of what might be.” ~ Charles Bowden

 

Tears

under water photo

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There are days that I just can not pretend to be ok for one more second.  The pain. The fog.  The fear.  The unknown.  It gets the best of me, despite how hard I try to ignore it.  It is in these moments that I fall apart.

I cry a personal brook, weeping myself into moments of inconsolable sadness.  As I try to pull myself out of the despair, I think about all the people who have it worse, who are in their own part of the world crying their own personal stream………babbling to themselves that no one understands.

I visualize the tears of those who cry out for help………turning into streams………the streams all meeting up forming an ocean of tears…..

These tears are not seen by many, only those who live within the ocean, on an island of illness………..it is only when the winds pick up and the ocean gains strength enough to cry out do we really see the others who live here too.

But here in the ocean of tears, you find an abundance of life, completely different than what you would find on land –  but beautiful just the same.

 

part of me dies

adult alone anxious black and white

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when i see you cry

a small part of me dies

i want to shelter you from every storm

create a world that is safe

for you to be free from pain

i want you to move through life as you please

independently with abundance of laughter and joy

but life is not always fair

bad things happen to extraordinary people

and despite my deepest desire and my fervent prayers

i can’t make it better

 

so when i see you cry

part of me dies…….

the storm

lightning strike the ground during night time

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i stand outside as the storm begins to rage

the thunder rolls in sending animals scattering,

yet i don’t move,

lightening strikes,

shaking the earth under my feet,

my body quakes with fear as the world around me appears to shatter into pieces,

strikes hits too close leaving me cowering in a heap,

 

can i within stand the storm,

can i endure the constant barrage of raging winds and ravishing rains that beat at my body……..

no place to run,

no place to hide,

not only from the storm but from myself.

i am soaked to the bone,

cold to the touch,

immense fear engulfs my mind

is shelter worth searching for,

my soul cries out for comfort,

yet, do i need saving?

 

 

 

 

 

books

ancient arch architecture art

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adventure in hand

thrown into another world

true blessed escape

 

 

wendi, under the pen name Charlie Lee Austin, is the author of Frugal Seeds 501 Ways to Make, Save or Stretch a Dollar.  You can read it for free with Kindle Unlimited through Amazon.

rays

bright daylight environment forest

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sitting quietly among the trees

allow the sun to brighten your spirit

soaking in the power of divine presence

the rays seeping deep into your soul

internalize this moment for cloudy days

adding it to your reserves

so when the sun disappears and the storms rage on

you can recreate in your mind the feeling of better days to come

 

 

~ wendi, under the pen name Charlie Lee Austin, is the author of Frugal Seeds  501 Ways to Make, Save or Stretch a Dollar

music within

brown and black gramophone

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i silently sit,  listening to each beat of the music

 

i close my eyes and allow my soul to soak in each note

 

i absorb the sounds and rhythms

 

they bring harmony to my soul

 

and heal me from within

 

 

~ wendi, under the pen name Charlie, is the author of Frugal Seeds: 501 Ways to Make, Save or Stretch a Dollar.