i needed the fire to provide warmth, safety from the dark, desolate night.
i sat alone, afraid of the dark, afraid of what i could not see………
i heard sounds of creatures that may be lurking in the dark shadows to hurt me
i needed to rest, but i was too fearful………..
as the fire began to die and the sun began to rise, i looked around and found
i was not alone….
i was never alone………..but i was too afraid to take my eyes off the flames………..to recognize the sounds were human not beast. i was never in danger……..he was always there, i just wouldn’t see.
Oh my goodness NO! Actually not just no, but hell NO! So why in the world would I give this blog such a title?
Before I started this blog, I struggled to give it a name because once you name something it becomes real and reality can be harsh.
It has taken me years and years to accept the fact that I am chronically ill. Just typing out that sentence makes me sick to my stomach, I don’t want this to be real, not for me and not for you. I am tired of feeling the need to explain myself regarding why I can’t do certain things, for having to cancel outings at the last minute, for not being able to live my life the way I planned it all out in my head many years ago. Chronic illness has taken so much away from me and I hate it, I hate the whole stupid thing and I want it to all go away and leave me alone. Alas, that wan’t to be and I had to suck down a whole bunch of reality and accept the fact that I am simply put, chronically ill.
After I accepted the fact that I am chronically ill, I realized that I needed to structure my life as simply as possible in the not-so-fun areas of cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, finances and the ability to say no, so I just may have enough energy to add some fun things into my life. Along the way I have learned, many times the hard way, some tips that have helped me save some of that precious energy and I wanted to share it with anyone who is also struggling. Maybe I can help just one person get a little more out of life and I know all of you have amazing tips to share too.
I know we all feel alone, but in reality there are so many of us who struggle daily with these dreaded chronic illnesses. Just remind yourself that we are not our illnesses, we are warriors and warriors simply change the world.
Until next time……………..YOU are a superhero!
…..or maybe just a hundred or so.
Although this post has little to do with living simply with chronic illness, I wanted to write down why I chose the picture I did as the “theme” for this blog. Yes, the picture was one of the free choices, but once I saw the photo I knew it was perfect.
In my imagination the picture creates an image of a small farm in the late fall with a barn standing proudly next to the beautifully sunlit apple orchard. The barn made me think of me, weather beaten, worn, tired and working hard to remain standing against all that mother nature continues to throw at me. I look functional and I still have an important job to do but the outside looks so much stronger than what in going on inside.
The trees represent those of us with chronic illness standing so alone, yet gathered together for a common purpose. We are bare and vulnerable to the elements without the covering of leaves and fruit and the health that others take so much for granted. We were once bursting with the fullness of life, just like the trees in the spring and summer, but now it is autumn, with the hope that spring will come again.
It is dawn and with it comes the promise of a new day. Each new day gives us a fresh start with endless possibilities and hopes of a miracle. Maybe, just maybe, this day will bring a miracle for you and for me. Here is to new days, hopes, and dreams that just may come true.