do i have to believe you?

air atmosphere beautiful blue

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

when you tell me i am ill, do i have to believe you?

is is possible that you are wrong?  i know i have the symptoms, the tests that that show something is wrong…………but, do i really have to believe you?

i don’t want to be ill, i don’t want to feel this way…………

you tell me what is going to happen with this illness………….do i have to believe you?

do you really know what is best for me?

do you realize that you are not in control?  you are not God?  you only know what you read in a book…..or experience with others……they are not me…………you don’t even know me……………and i have read way more than you………….i know more about our physical capabilities, the human spirit, spiritual healing, the power of love, thoughts, movement, meditation……….miracles still happen……..

the power of belief is an astonishing  thing……………..i choose not to believe you.  so please stop talking……………stop being so negative………..i need a cheerleader not a soothsayer!

……..and I choose not to believe you…….

…..and to believe what I see as the truth…………

 

 

a run………

silhouette of boy running in body of water during sunset

Photo by Samuel Silitonga on Pexels.com

 

i am running………… running down the beach, the way i did when i was young

my toes gripping the damp sand

my body is moving so freely, so easily, without pain or hindrance

feeling the wind blow through my hair, my body moving swiftly

feeling my lungs burn because i am moving so fast……….

feeling my muscles ache because i am  pushing myself……..

it all feels amazing……my body feels so strong………..

 

i wake up and experience the loss in my soul of what i can no longer do………….but in my dream, it was wonderful, and maybe, just maybe,  I can run down that beach again tonight.

words……….

words have the power of lightning…………..

 

magnificent and alluring…………………..

 

pexels-photo-458785.jpeg

 

or horrifying and destructive…………..

 

norman-oklahoma-lightning-dangerous-66867.jpeg

 

………………be the beauty in someone’s life today by choosing your words wisely.

The ‘Inside My Head’ tag……my responses

the-inside-my-head-tag

I received this tag by the very helpful, kind, happy and positive blogger Ana from  momlifewithchiari .  She writes about what it is like to raise a family of 8 while living with a difficult chronic illness of Chiari……….something I share with Ana.  She blogs about home, life, faith, crafts and kids.  Please take a moment to check her out and you will be as inspired as I am with her life.

 

Rules:

° Thank & tag the person that has tagged you

° Attach the tag photo

° Answer the ‘This or That’ questions

° Tag 10-20 friends

 

Here we go:  a little about me……………..

° How do you feel at the moment?

At this very moment I am thankful that I have a loving family, a roof over my head, clothes to wear, food to eat, and transportation.  So many people in this world do not have such luxuries.

 

° What do you need more in my life?

I need more health in every inch of my body and I would appreciate a little more calm too.

 

° What would make you happy right now?

A venti unsweetened, green iced tea from Starbucks……….and world peace.

 

° What is going on in your life right now?

I am working hard to assist and encourage my kiddos in wrapping up this school year and planning for next school year has already begun.

Praying for my husband’s side business of doing voice work.

Working hard everyday at being as healthy as I can, despite my situation.

 

° What am I most grateful for? List 10 things.

  1.  God –  who else could possibly handle the constant chatting, asking, begging, crying and thanking I do during the day………and night.
  2.   My Husband – He is my rock.  I am so blessed.
  3.   My kids – I hit the jackpot.
  4.   My sister – always has an uplifting text to send me or comment to say
  5.   My friends – there may not be tons of them but the ones – have stuck with me.
  6.   My dog – she is happy to be with me whether I am lying in bed or taking her for a walk.
  7.   This blog – it has given me confidence that I didn’t know exsisted and you fellow bloggers just rock!
  8.   My chickens – they can make me smile just by watching their funny antics.
  9.   I can see to read – this is how I have learned so many amazing things.
  10.   I can walk – I never want to take this for granted.

 

° When did you experience joy this week? 

Listening to my girls practicing for a musical they are in next month.

 

° List a small victory/success?

I did some yard work yesterday.  Yep, raked leaves……….two seasons late, but I did it!

 

° What is bothering me & Why?

I can’t seem to get a handle on slowing down the progression of some of my illnesses…………I believe that it can be done, I just haven’t discovered it YET!

 

° What are my priorities at the moment?

My kids education, my husband’s new adventure, my families health, my health and researching ways to heal.

 

° What do I love about myself?

I am a compassionate person,  my heart aches for people who are hurting.

I appreciate the small things in life.

I like to laugh, despite the pain it causes my head.

I like those around me to feel happiness too.

 

° Who means the world to me & why?

My family.  I can’t imagine life without them.

 

° If I could share one message with the world, what would it be?

Be nice………..you have NO IDEA what other people are going through.

Be generous……….there are SO many needs in this world.

 

° What advice would I give my younger self? 

Be kind to yourself, life goes by so fast.  Eat lots of vegetables and fruit, drink water, exercise, save money and laugh a lot.

 

° What lesson did I learn this week? 

Life goes on…………

 

° If I had all the time in the world, what would I do first?

I would learn to speak Cherokee.

 

° What’s draining my energy?

Waking every day ill………..some days are tougher than others.

 

° What does my ideal morning look like?

Ideal…..so I am going to dream here…..I wake at 8 am, go for a 5 mile hike through the mountains behind my house with my family and our dog.  Walk through the door and have the energy to make a nutritious breakfast including a detox smoothie for everyone and and then we all sit down and enjoy  listening to each other read from a classic novel.

So……in order for this to happen, first step would be to move to the mountains and oh yeah……..and get healthy!

 

° What does my ideal day look like?

Well, since we are speaking ideal here………….I begin where the last response left off.  After reading for the rest of the morning we would prepare a healthy lunch, all go off to  work our jobs of choice, in which we all find enjoyable and fulfilling and then meet up for dinner around 6:30 pm.  Enjoy a healthy meal and bask in the fact that since this is ideal we are all free from pain and ailments.  After dinner everyone participates in their activities of choice.

   

What makes me come alive?

laughter, a windy day, a forest, rolling hills, a sunset, walking on the beach, trees in autumn, an apple orchard, a huge farmers’ market, my families voices

 

° What/Who inspires me the most?

Mr. Fred Rogers……….a man who had a gift from God to be able to make everyone feel special.  He left an impression on everyone he met because he was genuinely interested in what people had to say and who they were.  He saw value in every human life………..now that is someone I aspire to be like.

 

° Where does my pain originate?

Great question……………….so many places, so many illnesses………..could be anywhere and everywhere.

 

° What are my strengths?

I haven’t given up on my dream of healing.

I work hard to see joy in the small things of life.

I enjoy encouraging others in their walk through life’s journey.

I like to smile.

I am good at letting material possessions go.

 

° What is something I’ve always wanted but too scared to get?

A tattoo……………not sure of what but something I have always been afraid to do.

 

° What is something I would love to learn?

Fencing or belly dancing……….they both sound super fun.

 

° Where would I want to live my ideal life?

A cabin in the woods,  a chateau in the mountains, a bungalow on the beach.  Anything small and easy to take care of with beautiful scenery and amazing places to walk.

 

Where would you like to travel in the next 5 years?

I would love to take a road trip across the country, so much of the country I haven’t seen yet.

Belize, Italy, Greece, India………..I would love to see these countries.

 

° What can I do to take better care of myself?

I am going to go grain free and see if this helps me heal.

 

° What hobbies would I like to try?

Race car driving………

 

° When have I done something that I thought I couldn’t do?

Raising my kids while all of us are chronically ill.

 

° At the end of my life, what do I want my legacy to be?

That other peoples lives were enriched because I was part of it.

 

My nominees: 

Here are my 10 nominees………..I hope you guys are cool with being nominated, if not, that is o.k. too……..just pretend you didn’t get my link!

rawthoughtshealing

lawrenceilloc

chronicpainwithahigherperspective

fightmsdaily

livingfaithfullywithautoimmunedisease

artwithchronicdiseaseandmentalillness

dinosaursdonkeysandms

reclaiminghope

MSichChronicles

Yarn,books&roses