10 ways I feel like Albert Einstein while living with chronic illness

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  1.  I can remember where I put my keys the last time I used them
  2.  I can find my purse when I need to leave without help from one of my kids
  3.  I remember that my sunglasses are on the top of my head within two minutes of searching for them.
  4.  I can create a blog entry in less than 3 hours without crying
  5.  I remember to bring my grocery list with me to the store
  6.  I remember I have list with me, and use it at the store
  7.  I can find my phone 75%………ok 50% of the time
  8.  I can summarize what I read in a book from the day before
  9.  I remember an appointment without being reminded by one of my calendars
  10.  I am able to help my kids with algebra

…….as you can read, it really doesn’t take much!

will you leave me?

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i can’t keep up with you……………

…………do you secretly want to leave me?

i anxiously worry about the future……………………what if i don’t heal

…………will you dream about leaving me?

what if i get worse………….and i can no longer leave the house?

………..will you pray about leaving me?

what if i require even more of your time and energy………………..

……….will you desire to leave me?

what if i can no longer walk by your side…………………

……………will you hope to live a life free of me?

what if you become bored and she can do more………….

………….will you plan to leave me?

i am so thankful you have stayed this long…………..is it selfish to ask for more?

who wants to be tied down when you are physically able and free to go………………….

……………do you want to leave me?

………….what if?

All of you with chronic illness are superheros!

boy child clouds kid

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I have been wanting to post something for the past several days, but you know, with chronic illness, sometimes your days don’t go as planned.  Since this is a chronic illness blog I am sure you can guess why I haven’t posted –  yep, this past week I have been feeling bad.    You know, bad, not terrible or horrible just plan ‘ol bad.  That in-between state of decent and terrible, that place where you feel so guilty staying in bed because, let’s face it you have felt much worse.  Nope, bad days mean you force yourself out of bed and get on with your day as best as you can.  Yep, bad days are hard,  instead of feeling like walking through water, it is more like quick sand, and instead of just aches and pains you can’t find a place on your body that doesn’t hurt, and oh yeah, the brain fog………it’s more like brain smog.

So, I am here to tell all of you with chronic illnesses………..YOU are total badasses!  You are the real superheroes.  I am sure you are thinking….no…..not me, why I can’t leap a building in a single bound and I definitely can’t lift a car over my head.  Nope, you probably can’t do either of these things but who cares, what all of you do is far more impressive…………YOU do not hit someone for hearing him/her say, “but you don’t look sick” for the 50th time this year.  YOU look the other way when someone gives you a dirty look for parking in a handicapped space.  YOU don’t punch someone in the face when they say “if you just do/don’t do this (fill in the blank) _______________ your illness would go away.”  YOU don’t walk around cussing out loud all day long due to pain and discomfort even though you have every right to do so. YOU smile and carry on polite conversation when you are out with others, faking that you are doing just fine, when you really feel like crying. YOU control your temper when some idiot compares your illness to their broken ankle.   YOU comfort others even though you are the one who really needs comforting at that moment.   YOU do the very best you can with what your body dishes out day after day…………………..And that my friends, makes you one badass superhero!

Until next time superheros……….don’t forget just how awesome you are!




On bad days with a chronic illness

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What do you do when you have a REALLY bad day?  You wake up in the morning and realize whatever you had planned, isn’t going to happen.  Or maybe it hits you after your day has already started and wham! you have to leave work or the store or stop an activity with a loved one and head right back to bed.  It is beyond frustrating, it is a disappointment that brings heart-breaking sadness to your soul.

Bad days/weeks for me result in having to spend that time in bed.  Lying in bed gives my mind way too much to think.   In the beginning, I can do a pretty decent job keeping my thoughts positive and encouraging.  But as my time in bed drags on, my thoughts start turning from self encouragement to more negative and anxiety provoking, and if I am not careful I can get to a place where it will make my physical recovery just that much more difficult.

It is during these times that negative self-talk tends to flare up.  Phrases like………Not again!  Oh no, it this going to start happening more often?  Is this a new symptom that may become permanent?  How long is this episode going to last?  Damn, I hate living like this!  What did I do to make this happen?  Who am I going to disappoint this time?  If I cancel again,  is s/he is going to believe me?  Is this my new normal?  Should I try……..(put any word in the English language here and I have probably thought it).  Negative and fearful self-talk can cause anxiety and NO ONE with a chronic illness needs anymore of that!

So, we need to learn to be kind to ourselves, especially on these miserable days.  We need to give ourselves permission to feel ill.  To love ourselves enough to realize we did not ask for this hand we were dealt, and we didn’t do anything to create it, except to be alive in this world.  We need to truly believe that none of this crap is our fault and it is out of our control.  IF we had control over our illnesses, we would all be living our lives  symptom-free, experiencing only good days and LOVING our lives as no (always been healthy) person could.  We must learn to love our self enough to do what needs to be done to heal in the moment, so we can get up and try again.



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