lonely road

 

bare trees at golden hour

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Pexels.com

 

 

no one can truly understand the pain and discomfort of  living

to understand the masks put on every day, to live within the confines of  this society, not to be viewed as worthless, useless, in a culture that wants fast paced living, quick movements, immediate answers, a fountain of youth, boundless energy, radiating health………..

we struggle to even maneuver down this path……….it is twisting, turning sharply with multiple bumps in the road

it’s a lonely road we roam…………..the desperation, the clinging onto hope, the desire to feel normal……………it is astounding thoughts of healing we try to keep alive – pushed to the back of our minds so not to be overwhelmed with the thoughts of what might be.

the road is endless and uncharted.  it is an intimidating place to ramble as the fog covers the path – your view is obscured…………you have no ability to see where you are going.

it’s like taking a trip, to an unknown place without any clue to where you are going or how you are going to get there…………..not a path I would have chosen to take, but one I am on nonetheless.

what if?

woman dark eye spooky

Photo by Rene Asmussen on Pexels.com

 

what if there was no sadness?

what if there was no pain?

what if there was no sorrow?

what if there was no illness?

what if there were no struggles?

what if there was no evil?

what if there was no hunger?

 

what would all of that mean?

pain

adult alone anxious black and white

Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

 

in those deep and dark moments of physical and emotional pain you search your soul for strength………….

and in those moments you pray for guidance, for relief – that if there is a lesson to be learned………….to please reveal it in a clear and gentle way………….

maybe it is in these moments when we really learn how strong we are, or maybe it is how weak………..

that we can get through this on our own…………….or that we need others

we are mentally strong enough to tackle it head on……………..or how close we are  completely losing it………….

it is in these moments we realize just how fragile we are………..how we walk a pencil thin line everyday………….between making it and breaking down………….

Sunshine Blogger Award

sun fire hot research

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

I

I would like to give a HUGE shout out to Amber at  The World Sees Normal  for giving me this nomination.  I am humbled she would think of me.  Please go check out her awesome blog where she touches on several chronic health issues and all the stuff that goes along with it.  And I would like to apologize for taking so long to complete this, I am truly sorry!

HERE’S HOW IT WORKS…

THE RULES

1.) Thank the blogger(s) who nominated you and link back to their blog

2.) Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you

3.) Nominate 11 new blogs to receive this award, and write them 11 new questions

4.) List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post and/or on your blog.

 

Questions for me:

1. If you could pick one person in your life to switch places with so they could feel how you feel for the day, who would it be and why!?

My doctors, if you haven’t experienced it, you can’t truly understand it.

 

2. When you have people in your life that just can’t seem to understand you and your illness, what have you found to be the best way to explain it to them, so they understand?

I have to be honest, I have been dealing with this so long that I just don’t even try anymore.  I use to, but it never worked.  Then I would get upset at the person for not understanding and s/he trying to compare my issue with the time he broke his arm in the 6th grade.

 

3. When you have some time just for you, how do you spend that time? Do you enjoy the quiet of being alone or would you rather be with a close friend or family member?

If I am having a good day, I love to walk and think and pray.  Walking is a gift I NEVER take for granted.  I will go off alone but also enjoy the company of my family.

 

4. What is your all time favorite TV show?

I do not watch TV but do watch Netflix,  Amazon Prime and some shows over the internet, so this is a little difficult for me to answer.  But if I had to pick a TV show it would be The Middle.  There have been a few episodes where I swore they were secretly filming my family.

 

5. What is your guilty pleasure?

This one is really easy for me……….I love unsweetened green iced tea from Starbucks.

 

6. What is the most UNBELIEVABLE thing that someone in the medical profession has said to you? And what was your response?

A neurologist told me that maybe I just needed to purchase different under clothing to relieve my symptoms………..I was so absolutely shocked that I looked at her and said……….”seriously?”

 

7. What is the most annoying thing to you about living with a chronic illness?

That it exists!

 

8. If you were able to have three wishes what would they be and why?

#1  Cure all ailments in the world – everyone would be healthy!

#2  Clean, pure drinking water everywhere on Earth – water is the source of life

#3 Peace throughout the world – let your imagination run wild of what could be accomplished

 

9. What is one activity in life that you loved doing, and have had to now give up due to your chronic illness? And do you feel any resentment?

Riding horses…………for years I couldn’t even look at a horse without getting tears in my eyes.

 

10. What blog have you enjoyed writing the most and why?

The ones I have enjoyed writing the most, and there have been several, are the ones that just flow from my mind to my hands.  Writing has always been a difficult process for me and one I really have to work at.  But if I have to choose one it would be the dock because as I wrote it I felt every single word, an amazing experience.

 

11. What is the most ridiculous comment that you have ever received on social media or as a comment on your blog?

Since I have no social media other than this blog, I have been blessed to receive only one, weird, not having anything to do with the blog comment.  I am very thankful.

 

My  Questions:

  1.  What is your favorite thing about blogging awards?
  2.   If you were a sports car which one would you want to be and why?
  3.   If you could only eat one color of food for a week, what color would it be?
  4.   What is your favorite movie line and why?
  5.   If you had to leave your house and take only 10 things with you (excluding all living beings) what would they be?
  6.   Describe yourself in two words.
  7.   What is one sporting activity that you enjoy watching?
  8.   If you could give one piece of advice for all the world to hear what would it be?
  9.   What is your favorite encouraging quote?
  10.   If you had to learn a made up language, which one would you choose and why?
  11.   If you were to learn to play an instrument which one would you choose?

 

My Nominees:

Altucher Confidential

James A. Best

gaillovesgod

momlifewithchiari

The Godly Chic Diaries

Pam Grout

The Panama Adventure

Brenda Mueller

Trying to Break the Stigma

Chronic Pain with a Higher Perspective

MCTD Warrior’s Blog

 

The Mystery Blogger Award

mystery-blogger-award-e1526249036655

I received this nomination from, Positively Alyssa at FightsMSDaily.  Love, love, love her  super duper uplifting attitude, and her personal comments always have something kind to say to everyone.  Who doesn’t need more encouragement in their day!? Please go take a look at her blog.

The questions for her nominees are:

Questions for my amazing Nominees Are:

  1. If you had one magical power, what would it be and why?

If I could have one magical power it would be to heal others.  There is just so much suffering in this world, and you don’t have to look very far to find it.  I would like to be able to heal all physical and psychological ailments……………could there be a better magical power?  I say not!

 

2.  Would you prefer to live on an exotic island with beautiful beaches or in the snow-covered mountains?

On an exotic island in a small house with lots of windows facing the water so I could hear the waves hitting the sand, the cries of the seagulls, and the wind blowing through the palm trees……….it sounds heavenly and I would never want to leave.  Plus all that extra vitamin D I would be soaking in would heal all my ailments!

 

3.  What is your absolute favorite exotic animal?

A black panther………..what a majestically beautiful, elegant and mysterious animal.

 

4.  What is your dream car?

1992 Ford Mustang LX convertible, 5.0, manual, Titanium Frost, black top, gray interior………..yea, I have thought about this car for a long time.  I fell in love the first time I saw it new on a car lot all those years ago.  For practicality sake, I could use a pickup truck.

 

5.  Where is the best place you have ever traveled to?

I was blessed enough to be able to stand on the shore of Lake Michigan, alone, with no other soul in sight, as a thunder storm rolled in.  I should have high tailed it back to safety, but I just couldn’t.  The beauty was too great, the power too mesmerizing.  I knew right then and there that nothing could be any more beautiful then what I was experiencing at that very moment……….white caps on waves, lightning streaking the sky, wind blowing the grasses, clouds swiftly moving through the sky………..I just wanted to soak up all the power and energy and beauty.

 

Here are my questions for my nominees:

  1.  If you could cure one disease, what would it be and why?
  2.  If you could speak any other language what would it be and why?
  3.  If you could do your life over, what is one thing you would change?
  4.  What is one word you wished you heard more often?

 

My nominees are:

Priscilla Shamin

Micaela Living in Grace

MomLifewithChiari

BettieG

ANewLife

The Frozen Mind

 

If my nominees would like to participate, great, if not, please know that you were thought of fondly!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

will you leave me?

man walking on floor

Photo by Umberto Shaw on Pexels.com

 

i can’t keep up with you……………

…………do you secretly want to leave me?

i anxiously worry about the future……………………what if i don’t heal

…………will you dream about leaving me?

what if i get worse………….and i can no longer leave the house?

………..will you pray about leaving me?

what if i require even more of your time and energy………………..

……….will you desire to leave me?

what if i can no longer walk by your side…………………

……………will you hope to live a life free of me?

what if you become bored and she can do more………….

………….will you plan to leave me?

i am so thankful you have stayed this long…………..is it selfish to ask for more?

who wants to be tied down when you are physically able and free to go………………….

……………do you want to leave me?

………….what if?

do i have to believe you?

air atmosphere beautiful blue

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

when you tell me i am ill, do i have to believe you?

is is possible that you are wrong?  i know i have the symptoms, the tests that that show something is wrong…………but, do i really have to believe you?

i don’t want to be ill, i don’t want to feel this way…………

you tell me what is going to happen with this illness………….do i have to believe you?

do you really know what is best for me?

do you realize that you are not in control?  you are not God?  you only know what you read in a book…..or experience with others……they are not me…………you don’t even know me……………and i have read way more than you………….i know more about our physical capabilities, the human spirit, spiritual healing, the power of love, thoughts, movement, meditation……….miracles still happen……..

the power of belief is an astonishing  thing……………..i choose not to believe you.  so please stop talking……………stop being so negative………..i need a cheerleader not a soothsayer!

……..and I choose not to believe you…….

…..and to believe what I see as the truth…………