get out of my head

close up photo of chessboard pieces

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i don’t want you here, living inside my head

questioning every decision,

every move I make,

putting useless worry into my mind,

creating chaos that cannot be calmed with relaxation or meditation

you want to destroy me

make me feel as if I cannot get better,  heal,  or live a happy life

 

i want to be lifted up

encouraged,

experience true peace,

 

so find a new place to reside

 

i am kicking you out

for good

 

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shattered

white ceramic teacup with saucer

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the delicate tea cups sit on a shelf

dreaming delightful thoughts of being filled

waiting upon the day to soak in their sweet promises

 

one by one, year after year

the cups crash unto the floor

shattering into hundreds of pieces

leaving an unrecognizable pattern on the floor

too tired and distraught to sweep up the fragments

a graveyard of wishes for me to mourn

 

the last cup sits upon the shelf

teetering

and all i can do is hold my breath

whispering a silent prayer that this one will remain.

Tears

under water photo

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There are days that I just can not pretend to be ok for one more second.  The pain. The fog.  The fear.  The unknown.  It gets the best of me, despite how hard I try to ignore it.  It is in these moments that I fall apart.

I cry a personal brook, weeping myself into moments of inconsolable sadness.  As I try to pull myself out of the despair, I think about all the people who have it worse, who are in their own part of the world crying their own personal stream………babbling to themselves that no one understands.

I visualize the tears of those who cry out for help………turning into streams………the streams all meeting up forming an ocean of tears…..

These tears are not seen by many, only those who live within the ocean, on an island of illness………..it is only when the winds pick up and the ocean gains strength enough to cry out do we really see the others who live here too.

But here in the ocean of tears, you find an abundance of life, completely different than what you would find on land –  but beautiful just the same.

 

part of me dies

adult alone anxious black and white

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when i see you cry

a small part of me dies

i want to shelter you from every storm

create a world that is safe

for you to be free from pain

i want you to move through life as you please

independently with abundance of laughter and joy

but life is not always fair

bad things happen to extraordinary people

and despite my deepest desire and my fervent prayers

i can’t make it better

 

so when i see you cry

part of me dies…….

the storm

lightning strike the ground during night time

Photo by Sebastian Voortman on Pexels.com

 

i stand outside as the storm begins to rage

the thunder rolls in sending animals scattering,

yet i don’t move,

lightening strikes,

shaking the earth under my feet,

my body quakes with fear as the world around me appears to shatter into pieces,

strikes hits too close leaving me cowering in a heap,

 

can i within stand the storm,

can i endure the constant barrage of raging winds and ravishing rains that beat at my body……..

no place to run,

no place to hide,

not only from the storm but from myself.

i am soaked to the bone,

cold to the touch,

immense fear engulfs my mind

is shelter worth searching for,

my soul cries out for comfort,

yet, do i need saving?

 

 

 

 

 

past

animal avian beak bird

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don’t allow your past to have power over you,

haunt your future,

or silence your voice,

instead,

extricate past abusers by throwing their negative words and actions into a heap

sending it out with the rubbish

and allowing the vultures to determine their fate

 

with the rubbish gone

plant some flowers in its place

 

beautiful blur close up delicate

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

 

 

past

 

grayscale photography of a pathway

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

 

without my past

the future could not look so bright

 

without darkness

the light would not be so celebrated

 

 

 

~ wendi, under the pen name Charlie,  is the author of Frugal Seeds: 501 Ways to Make, Save or Stretch a Dollar.

 

 

 

 

lighthouse

photo of red and white lighthouse

Photo by iSAW Company on Pexels.com

 

alone in the water it stood

tall, strong and fearless

ravaged by wave after powerful wave

as if the water’s deepest desire was to bring her crashing down

she bravely faced each torrent

as the waves wore at the surface

her strength flickered

but her beauty remained

 

~ wendi, under the pen name Charlie, is the author of Frugal Seeds: 501 Ways to Make, Save, or Stretch a Dollar