I was out with my entire family, something that rarely happens due to lack of funds and/ or my kids’ busy work, school and activity schedules.
During this rare treasured outing, my husband and I had purchased all of the kids a snack and they were sitting together on a bench eating, smiling, getting along and thanking us for the food.
In that moment, I became completely overwhelmed by what was playing out before me – happy, smiling, joking, loving, grateful, thankful kids. Tears welled up in my eyes and I had a very hard time keeping myself from breaking down into uncontrolable sobs. My son looked up at me and said, “mom, please don’t cry” which made holding back the tears an even bigger challenge.
In the past, many of my tears were more about the guilt I have held onto for so long, raising kids while my illness took a front seat. Having children before I knew I had these congenital illnesses, and the true horror of discovering that you have passed these nightmares onto the ones you love more than life itself.
But this is not what I was feeling in that moment. Instead, I was caught up in pure love for my children, the extreme gratitude that God had blessed me with each one of them and felt me worthy of giving me such beautiful humans to care for. God believed that I was worthy of being their mother, a gift I humbly treasure every – single – day.
Not only has God seen me worthy of such enormous blessings as my children, but that He has also covered over my failings, filled in the numerous cracks that I left as a ill and flawed human being. He did what I had prayed and prayed that He would do, to make up for my many shortcomings as a parent, and despite my illnesses, allow my kids to grow up to be loving, caring, compassionate and unique individuals. Prayers answered………and because of these gifts, my heart was too full with awe. The happiness that flowed through my veins could not be contained within my body but instead flowed over and out my eyes………
They say that the window to one’s soul is through the eyes……….I hope my children could see that the tears were from the love overflowing in my heart for each one of them.
~ wendi is the author of two books that you can view here.
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