Through all the years I have lived with chronic illnesses, I have felt the pressure to say that I was ok, even when I absolutely was not. These pressures may have come from my internal desire to be well, not wanting to admit that I was sick, or living, if only briefly, in a fantasy world of being normal. Or it could be a result of societal pressures, of people not wanting to know the truth of illness, or hear about others’ problems because it is way more fun to listen to happy stories. Maybe it was because I heard, “you don’t look sick” one too many times. Maybe I was tired to hearing people tell me how so-and-so was cured from some new thing. I am guessing it is a combination of reasons.
I have always felt looked down upon when I spoke the truth. That I was being judged for being ill, that somehow it was my fault, and that I was not working hard enough at healing. Whether or not this was true, it was how I felt, so it was my reality.
There are days I want to open my back door, step outside and scream, “This sucks ass!” Yep, I just swore, trust me, God can handle my truth, even if others can’t. Who am I expecting to hear this? My chickens? My neighbors? No, just every single person I have ever lied to when I said I was ok.
So, is there something you have always wanted to say about your illness, but have been too afraid? Something you have wanted to scream to the world, yourself, or others? NO JUDGEMENT HERE!
Sometimes is takes us being very, very honest with ourselves and others before we can even have a snowball’s chance in hell to begin the very long road to healing.