can I run fast enough?

person running in the hallway

Photo by Michael Foster on Pexels.com

 

 

there are days i want to run…….run so fast that my illnesses can’t keep up.

 

i will keep running until i can no longer feel them nipping at my heels, stalking me, tormenting me…….

 

trying to catch up and derail my goals, my dreams, my future

 

i will keep running until i am completely out of breath and i am so far out ahead that i can hide myself  from the beasts and watch them move past me……….

 

i will turn around and joyfully limp back to my life………

 

tornado

tornado on body of water during golden hour

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Pexels.com

 

a chronic illness is like a tornado………..it starts with little warning………the right conditions merging together to create a destructive force

it can create mass devastation to everyone and everything in it’s path with no regard to human suffering

it creates mass casualties

it destroys lives in a matter of moments

sends dreams flying through the air with no safe place to land

 

it brings people to their knees, crying………”I lost so much”

lives must be rebuilt

and maybe, just maybe, we will be able to rebuild a good life again, complete with blue skies and sunshine

in your arms

 

person spreading hands against sun

Photo by Victor Freitas on Pexels.com

 

i feel safe from the world

i feel safe from my fears

this safety allows me to stop my tears

 

i hate feeling scared of what might be

but i am thankful that you are here to calm me

to whisper to me that it will all be ok

that you will, through it all, with me, will stay

the rose

flower rose nature plant

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

fresh and newly picked, beautifully simple, exquisitely delicate

it slowly opens

growing lovelier with layers and layers of petals, showing more of it’s inner beauty, its complexity

in abundant bloom the rose is in it’s glory, filled with beauty, full of life……..showing the world all it has to offer………..

the day comes when the rose begins to droop, petals wither, brown and begin to fall, the stem starts to wilt………beauty fades………and………it begins to die slowly

just like love……….it begins fresh, new, breathtaking ………….but does it have to succumb to decay?

lonely road

 

bare trees at golden hour

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Pexels.com

 

 

no one can truly understand the pain and discomfort of  living

to understand the masks put on every day, to live within the confines of  this society, not to be viewed as worthless, useless, in a culture that wants fast paced living, quick movements, immediate answers, a fountain of youth, boundless energy, radiating health………..

we struggle to even maneuver down this path……….it is twisting, turning sharply with multiple bumps in the road

it’s a lonely road we roam…………..the desperation, the clinging onto hope, the desire to feel normal……………it is astounding thoughts of healing we try to keep alive – pushed to the back of our minds so not to be overwhelmed with the thoughts of what might be.

the road is endless and uncharted.  it is an intimidating place to ramble as the fog covers the path – your view is obscured…………you have no ability to see where you are going.

it’s like taking a trip, to an unknown place without any clue to where you are going or how you are going to get there…………..not a path I would have chosen to take, but one I am on nonetheless.

pain

adult alone anxious black and white

Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

 

in those deep and dark moments of physical and emotional pain you search your soul for strength………….

and in those moments you pray for guidance, for relief – that if there is a lesson to be learned………….to please reveal it in a clear and gentle way………….

maybe it is in these moments when we really learn how strong we are, or maybe it is how weak………..

that we can get through this on our own…………….or that we need others

we are mentally strong enough to tackle it head on……………..or how close we are  completely losing it………….

it is in these moments we realize just how fragile we are………..how we walk a pencil thin line everyday………….between making it and breaking down………….