fear

person wearing led mask

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fear

seeps into your mind like an early morning fog,

slowly expanding into all the open trenches

unfilled spaces

finding places in the mind you didn’t know existed

enlarging to leave no room for productive thoughts

protecting its position like a vicious dog guarding it’s home

settling in like the dust in the carpet

seemingly unnoticed and determined to anchor down for the long haul

 

I am ready to clean house

sweeping it out, not under the rug

searching for all the hiding places

wanting to turn this into a childhood game i no longer want to play

i will find you

searching, one-by-one, the hidden rooms of my mind,

evicting the fear and pain

refilling the room with light and love and hope

 

slamming the door shut with a vengence

securing the deadbolt and allowing the love to expand to fill each and every room.

 

white wall

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flicker

lighted candle

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pitch darkness is a space where you are forced to discover what you are truly made of and how you were created

veils fall off those who surround you, and their souls reveil as they truly are

terror strikes in isolating darkness,  not knowing what or who is around the next corner,  taking each step with a movement of faith, yet questioning where your faith lies

only in true darkness can you see flickers of light, from yourself, or from others in your life

allow that flickering of light, no matter how weak, illuminate your path

you were not meant for the dark, yet only by trudging through the darkness can you truly appreciate the light.

soar

bird animal freedom fly

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Shatter the cage your body imprisons your mind with

Allow your spirit to remain free

To soar above the pain,

chaos

and

confusion

fear

and

uncertainty

Instead observe the magnificent beauty that surrounds you

Hidden by your perceived reality

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, which can be viewed here

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

shattered

white ceramic teacup with saucer

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the delicate tea cups sit on a shelf

dreaming delightful thoughts of being filled

waiting upon the day to soak in their sweet promises

 

one by one, year after year

the cups crash unto the floor

shattering into hundreds of pieces

leaving an unrecognizable pattern on the floor

too tired and distraught to sweep up the fragments

a graveyard of wishes for me to mourn

 

the last cup sits upon the shelf

teetering

and all i can do is hold my breath

whispering a silent prayer that this one will remain.

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

Tears

under water photo

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There are days that I just can not pretend to be ok for one more second.  The pain. The fog.  The fear.  The unknown.  It gets the best of me, despite how hard I try to ignore it.  It is in these moments that I fall apart.

I cry a personal brook, weeping myself into moments of inconsolable sadness.  As I try to pull myself out of the despair, I think about all the people who have it worse, who are in their own part of the world crying their own personal stream………babbling to themselves that no one understands.

I visualize the tears of those who cry out for help………turning into streams………the streams all meeting up forming an ocean of tears…..

These tears are not seen by many, only those who live within the ocean, on an island of illness………..it is only when the winds pick up and the ocean gains strength enough to cry out do we really see the others who live here too.

But here in the ocean of tears, you find an abundance of life, completely different than what you would find on land –  but beautiful just the same.

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

part of me dies

adult alone anxious black and white

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when i see you cry

a small part of me dies

i want to shelter you from every storm

create a world that is safe

for you to be free from pain

i want you to move through life as you please

independently with abundance of laughter and joy

but life is not always fair

bad things happen to extraordinary people

and despite my deepest desire and my fervent prayers

i can’t make it better

 

so when i see you cry

part of me dies…….

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

the storm

lightning strike the ground during night time

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i stand outside as the storm begins to rage

the thunder rolls in sending animals scattering,

yet i don’t move,

lightening strikes,

shaking the earth under my feet,

my body quakes with fear as the world around me appears to shatter into pieces,

strikes hits too close leaving me cowering in a heap,

 

can i within stand the storm,

can i endure the constant barrage of raging winds and ravishing rains that beat at my body……..

no place to run,

no place to hide,

not only from the storm but from myself.

i am soaked to the bone,

cold to the touch,

immense fear engulfs my mind

is shelter worth searching for,

my soul cries out for comfort,

yet, do i need saving?

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

 

 

 

 

shadows

scenic view of night sky with stars

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without shadows from the past

a future could not become so radiant

 

without true darkness

stars could not shine so magically

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

past

animal avian beak bird

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don’t allow your past to have power over you,

haunt your future,

or silence your voice,

instead,

extricate past abusers by throwing their negative words and actions into a heap

sending it out with the rubbish

and allowing the vultures to determine their fate

 

with the rubbish gone

plant some flowers in its place

 

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beautiful blur close up delicate

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frugal seeds

 

 

person holding a green plant

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The title of my blog gives away the fact that I live with at least one chronic illness.  Now, I don’t want to brag, but I actually live with several, and as interesting as it sounds, it is not a whole lot of fun.  Unfortunately I am not the only one in my family who lives with such a burden.  Every person in my immediate family lives with at least one chronic illness.

As a result of all of our medical bills, we have learned to live on a tight budget.  Over the years I have had to learn to be frugal and about 6 months ago I decided to put some of  my frugal ways into a book,  Frugal Seeds: 501 Ways to Make, Save or Stretch a Dollar.  It is now available in both paperback and e-book on Amazon.  The entire book can be read for FREE with an Amazon Kindle Unlimited membership.

You will notice it is written under a pen name.  This has been done as I working on additional books and I am determined to keep the lives of my children private.  Thank you for understanding.