Tears

under water photo

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There are days that I just can not pretend to be ok for one more second.  The pain. The fog.  The fear.  The unknown.  It gets the best of me, despite how hard I try to ignore it.  It is in these moments that I fall apart.

I cry a personal brook, weeping myself into moments of inconsolable sadness.  As I try to pull myself out of the despair, I think about all the people who have it worse, who are in their own part of the world crying their own personal stream………babbling to themselves that no one understands.

I visualize the tears of those who cry out for help………turning into streams………the streams all meeting up forming an ocean of tears…..

These tears are not seen by many, only those who live within the ocean, on an island of illness………..it is only when the winds pick up and the ocean gains strength enough to cry out do we really see the others who live here too.

But here in the ocean of tears, you find an abundance of life, completely different than what you would find on land –  but beautiful just the same.

 

part of me dies

adult alone anxious black and white

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when i see you cry

a small part of me dies

i want to shelter you from every storm

create a world that is safe

for you to be free from pain

i want you to move through life as you please

independently with abundance of laughter and joy

but life is not always fair

bad things happen to extraordinary people

and despite my deepest desire and my fervent prayers

i can’t make it better

 

so when i see you cry

part of me dies…….

the storm

lightning strike the ground during night time

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i stand outside as the storm begins to rage

the thunder rolls in sending animals scattering,

yet i don’t move,

lightening strikes,

shaking the earth under my feet,

my body quakes with fear as the world around me appears to shatter into pieces,

strikes hits too close leaving me cowering in a heap,

 

can i within stand the storm,

can i endure the constant barrage of raging winds and ravishing rains that beat at my body……..

no place to run,

no place to hide,

not only from the storm but from myself.

i am soaked to the bone,

cold to the touch,

immense fear engulfs my mind

is shelter worth searching for,

my soul cries out for comfort,

yet, do i need saving?

 

 

 

 

 

past

animal avian beak bird

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don’t allow your past to have power over you,

haunt your future,

or silence your voice,

instead,

extricate past abusers by throwing their negative words and actions into a heap

sending it out with the rubbish

and allowing the vultures to determine their fate

 

with the rubbish gone

plant some flowers in its place

 

beautiful blur close up delicate

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frugal seeds

 

 

person holding a green plant

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The title of my blog gives away the fact that I live with at least one chronic illness.  Now, I don’t want to brag, but I actually live with several, and as interesting as it sounds, it is not a whole lot of fun.  Unfortunately I am not the only one in my family who lives with such a burden.  Every person in my immediate family lives with at least one chronic illness.

As a result of all of our medical bills, we have learned to live on a tight budget.  Over the years I have had to learn to be frugal and about 6 months ago I decided to put some of  my frugal ways into a book,  Frugal Seeds: 501 Ways to Make, Save or Stretch a Dollar.  It is now available in both paperback and e-book on Amazon.  The entire book can be read for FREE with an Amazon Kindle Unlimited membership.

You will notice it is written under a pen name.  This has been done as I working on additional books and I am determined to keep the lives of my children private.  Thank you for understanding.

 

 

 

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

lighthouse

photo of red and white lighthouse

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alone in the water it stood

tall, strong and fearless

ravaged by wave after powerful wave

as if the water’s deepest desire was to bring her crashing down

she bravely faced each torrent

as the waves wore at the surface

her strength flickered

but her beauty remained

 

~ wendi, under the pen name Charlie, is the author of Frugal Seeds: 501 Ways to Make, Save, or Stretch a Dollar

 

 

true love

monochrome photo of couple holding hands

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true love is not easy, in fact it is down right hard.

loving someone when everything is going well is easy, so easy it makes me laugh.

real love is when you stick around for the hard stuff.

the real hard stuff isn’t financial troubles or family squabbles…..

if you are physically well, you can work two jobs, it might be hard but, if you are healthy it is doable.

family issues can be worked out if you have the health to endure them or capable to physically pick yourself up and move.

but illness………it shakes you to the core.  lives are transformed in an instant, roles change, individuals get lost in the symptoms leaving the caretaker to fed for themselves in a sea of uncertainty.

only with true love do you have the freedom to heal.

Today, may you experience a sense of healing, no matter how small.

 

~ wendi, under the pen name Charlie, is the author of Frugal Seeds: 501 Ways to Make, Save, or Stretch a Dollar.

no tv news

night television tv video

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January 1st, 2018 I decided to make a resolution not to watch any TV news.  I made this resolution half joking, saying it mainly out of frustration of all the depressing stories I heard day after day.  What I discovered after a few weeks was that I felt a bit better.  My anxiety dropped and I spent less time watching TV.   It was a wonderful experience/experiment and one I plan to carry on in 2019 as part of my……..do more of good and and less of the bad activities.

Wishing you a year of more good stuff in your life!

at sunset

 

 

silhouette of clouds during golden hour photograph

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watching the sun fade into the landscape, it leaves my world dark and still,

it is in these moments that my mind starts to question all that I think to be true

it is a time when I begin to rewrite my own story….

as the dawn arrives, I face a brand new day………and I pray,

maybe today I can make it different