get out of my head

close up photo of chessboard pieces

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i don’t want you here, living inside my head

questioning every decision,

every move I make,

putting useless worry into my mind,

creating chaos that cannot be calmed with relaxation or meditation

you want to destroy me

make me feel as if I cannot get better,  heal,  or live a happy life

 

i want to be lifted up

encouraged,

experience true peace,

 

so find a new place to reside

 

i am kicking you out

for good

 

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shattered

white ceramic teacup with saucer

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the delicate tea cups sit on a shelf

dreaming delightful thoughts of being filled

waiting upon the day to soak in their sweet promises

 

one by one, year after year

the cups crash unto the floor

shattering into hundreds of pieces

leaving an unrecognizable pattern on the floor

too tired and distraught to sweep up the fragments

a graveyard of wishes for me to mourn

 

the last cup sits upon the shelf

teetering

and all i can do is hold my breath

whispering a silent prayer that this one will remain.

be the dragon

gray dragon statue

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I am one who wholeheartedly believes in showing kindness, thankfulness and gratitude.

But, there are days I need to be more, much more, I need to be a dragon:  fierce, relentless, strong, powerful, self-reliant, who is able to burn a path for myself to tread.

How else am I to live ill, every – single – day, and still go on!?

Today I choose to be the dragon!

 

Taking flight soar as I please

Shooting fire below

To make my path more at ease

Tears

under water photo

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There are days that I just can not pretend to be ok for one more second.  The pain. The fog.  The fear.  The unknown.  It gets the best of me, despite how hard I try to ignore it.  It is in these moments that I fall apart.

I cry a personal brook, weeping myself into moments of inconsolable sadness.  As I try to pull myself out of the despair, I think about all the people who have it worse, who are in their own part of the world crying their own personal stream………babbling to themselves that no one understands.

I visualize the tears of those who cry out for help………turning into streams………the streams all meeting up forming an ocean of tears…..

These tears are not seen by many, only those who live within the ocean, on an island of illness………..it is only when the winds pick up and the ocean gains strength enough to cry out do we really see the others who live here too.

But here in the ocean of tears, you find an abundance of life, completely different than what you would find on land –  but beautiful just the same.

 

part of me dies

adult alone anxious black and white

Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

 

when i see you cry

a small part of me dies

i want to shelter you from every storm

create a world that is safe

for you to be free from pain

i want you to move through life as you please

independently with abundance of laughter and joy

but life is not always fair

bad things happen to extraordinary people

and despite my deepest desire and my fervent prayers

i can’t make it better

 

so when i see you cry

part of me dies…….

rays

bright daylight environment forest

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sitting quietly among the trees

allow the sun to brighten your spirit

soaking in the power of divine presence

the rays seeping deep into your soul

internalize this moment for cloudy days

adding it to your reserves

so when the sun disappears and the storms rage on

you can recreate in your mind the feeling of better days to come

 

 

~ wendi, under the pen name Charlie Lee Austin, is the author of Frugal Seeds  501 Ways to Make, Save or Stretch a Dollar

music within

brown and black gramophone

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i silently sit,  listening to each beat of the music

 

i close my eyes and allow my soul to soak in each note

 

i absorb the sounds and rhythms

 

they bring harmony to my soul

 

and heal me from within

 

 

~ wendi, under the pen name Charlie, is the author of Frugal Seeds: 501 Ways to Make, Save or Stretch a Dollar.  

past

 

grayscale photography of a pathway

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

 

without my past

the future could not look so bright

 

without darkness

the light would not be so celebrated

 

 

 

~ wendi, under the pen name Charlie,  is the author of Frugal Seeds: 501 Ways to Make, Save or Stretch a Dollar.

 

 

 

 

frugal seeds

 

 

person holding a green plant

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The title of my blog gives away the fact that I live with at least one chronic illness.  Now, I don’t want to brag, but I actually live with several, and as interesting as it sounds, it is not a whole lot of fun.  Unfortunately I am not the only one in my family who lives with such a burden.  Every person in my immediate family lives with at least one chronic illness.

As a result of all of our medical bills, we have learned to live on a tight budget.  Over the years I have had to learn to be frugal and about 6 months ago I decided to put some of  my frugal ways into a book,  Frugal Seeds: 501 Ways to Make, Save or Stretch a Dollar.  It is now available in both paperback and e-book on Amazon.  The entire book can be read for FREE with an Amazon Kindle Unlimited membership.

You will notice it is written under a pen name.  This has been done as I working on additional books and I am determined to keep the lives of my children private.  Thank you for understanding.

 

 

graveyard

 

brown and black snail crawling on wall

Photo by Mircea Iancu on Pexels.com

 

My graveyard of regrets overflows with markers

The place I would go to bury my unfulfilled hope and dreams

They lie entombed, not as a result of lack of effort or desire

But due to circumstances beyond my control

 

I don’t like to visit this dreadful space – yet it remains outside my front door

So I have made a plan to transform this place

Planting colorful flowers on each grave

With a prayer that each unfulfilled wish

Will create a place much more beautiful than before.

 

beautiful blooming blossom blur

Photo by Leigh Patrick on Pexels.com

 

~ wendi, under the pen name Charlie, is the author of Frugal Seeds: 501 Ways to Make, Save, or Stretch a Dollar