covered failings

ground group growth hands

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I was out with my entire family, something that rarely happens due to lack of funds and/ or my kids’ busy work, school and activity schedules.

During this rare treasured outing, my husband and I had purchased all of the kids a snack and they were sitting together on a bench eating, smiling, getting along and thanking us for the food.

In that moment, I became completely overwhelmed by what was playing out before me – happy, smiling, joking, loving, grateful, thankful kids.  Tears welled up in my eyes and I had a very hard time keeping myself from breaking down into uncontrolable sobs.  My son looked up at me and said, “mom, please don’t cry”  which made holding back the tears an even bigger challenge.

In the past, many of my tears were more about the guilt I have held onto for so long, raising kids while my illness took a front seat.  Having children before I knew I had these congenital illnesses, and the true horror of discovering that you have passed these nightmares onto the ones you love more than life itself.

But this is not what I was feeling in that moment.  Instead, I was caught up in pure love for my children, the extreme gratitude that God had blessed me with each one of them and felt me worthy of giving me such beautiful humans to care for.  God believed that I was worthy of being their mother, a gift I humbly treasure every – single – day.

Not only has God seen me worthy of such enormous blessings as my children, but that He has also covered over my failings, filled in the numerous cracks that I left as a ill and flawed human being.  He did what I had prayed and prayed that He would do, to make up for my many shortcomings as a parent, and despite my illnesses, allow my kids to grow up to be loving, caring, compassionate and unique individuals.  Prayers answered………and because of these gifts, my heart was too full with awe.  The happiness that flowed through my veins could not be contained within my body but instead flowed over and out my eyes………

They say that the window to one’s soul is through the eyes……….I hope my children could see that the tears were from the love overflowing in my heart for each one of them.

 

~ wendi is the author of two books that you can view here.

 

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soar

bird animal freedom fly

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Shatter the cage your body imprisons your mind with

Allow your spirit to remain free

To soar above the pain,

chaos

and

confusion

fear

and

uncertainty

Instead observe the magnificent beauty that surrounds you

Hidden by your perceived reality

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, which can be viewed here

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

Tears

under water photo

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There are days that I just can not pretend to be ok for one more second.  The pain. The fog.  The fear.  The unknown.  It gets the best of me, despite how hard I try to ignore it.  It is in these moments that I fall apart.

I cry a personal brook, weeping myself into moments of inconsolable sadness.  As I try to pull myself out of the despair, I think about all the people who have it worse, who are in their own part of the world crying their own personal stream………babbling to themselves that no one understands.

I visualize the tears of those who cry out for help………turning into streams………the streams all meeting up forming an ocean of tears…..

These tears are not seen by many, only those who live within the ocean, on an island of illness………..it is only when the winds pick up and the ocean gains strength enough to cry out do we really see the others who live here too.

But here in the ocean of tears, you find an abundance of life, completely different than what you would find on land –  but beautiful just the same.

 

 

~ wendi is the author of two books, you can view them here.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

books

ancient arch architecture art

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adventure in hand

thrown into another world

true blessed escape

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

wendi, under the pen name Charlie Lee Austin, is the author of Frugal Seeds 501 Ways to Make, Save or Stretch a Dollar.  You can read it for free with Kindle Unlimited through Amazon.

love

white and red plastic heart balloon on sky during daytime

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love

when you have nothing to prove,

nothing left to give,

nothing left to receive,

……and you still remain peacefully and joyfully steadfast.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

 

~ wendi, under the pen name Charlie, is the author of  Frugal Seeds: 501 Ways to Make, Save, or Stretch a Dollar

graveyard

 

brown and black snail crawling on wall

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My graveyard of regrets overflows with markers

The place I would go to bury my unfulfilled hope and dreams

They lie entombed, not as a result of lack of effort or desire

But due to circumstances beyond my control

 

I don’t like to visit this dreadful space – yet it remains outside my front door

So I have made a plan to transform this place

Planting colorful flowers on each grave

With a prayer that each unfulfilled wish

Will create a place much more beautiful than before.

 

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beautiful blooming blossom blur

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~ wendi, under the pen name Charlie, is the author of Frugal Seeds: 501 Ways to Make, Save, or Stretch a Dollar

 

music

black turntable

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Music

Understands (the)

Soul

Instinctively  (and)

Courageously

 

…….choose the music that will heal your soul.

 

Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

balance business cobblestone conceptual

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~ wendi, under the pen name Charlie, is the author of Frugal Seeds: 501 Ways to Save, Make or Stretch a Dollar

a thank you to YOU!

 

thank you heart text

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Sending a sincere and loving THANK YOU to all of you out there who make this world a better place.  I read your achievements daily……helping others through your encouraging words, beautiful and creative writings, beneficial information and prayers.

YOU are what makes this world so special and I am honored to be a very small part of it.

May God bless each of you with a peaceful Christmas season and a joyous New Year.

Until 2019,

wendi

brown beside fireplace near brown wicker basket

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abstract art blur bokeh

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so blessed to have you

silhouettes of couple kissing against sunset

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You were there from the beginning.  I didn’t see it, but you were there.  Waiting for me to notice………..to open my eyes to the gift that I was being given.  I wasn’t aware it was a gift for me…………one to have and to hold,  in sickness and in health.

I was scared of the gift……….maybe it wasn’t the right time to accept, maybe it wouldn’t last, maybe it was just wrong.

But you held on to the gift………..waiting for a time that I was ready to accept.

As the veil was lifted from my eyes……….I saw you, really saw you for the first time.  You were my gift from God, a treasure beyond my wildest dreams.

Thank you for waiting………..thank you for being…………

 

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kitchen distraction

bazaar bottles business ceramic

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……..and it is not something I use to make cooking quicker; it does not spiral, chop or mix, nor is it something that actually sits on the counter. Instead, it is securely fastened to the underside of one of my kitchen cabinets, the one closest to my sink.

So what is it you wonder and how could it help make my life in the kitchen easier?  My favorite kitchen appliance is actually a combination radio/DVD/CD player.  It was something my parents had in their basement and when it was offered to me, I jumped at the opportunity to own such an amazing invention.

Since it was gifted to me, it has been my constant companion.  Whether I am cooking or cleaning it allows my mind it focus on something other than the tiredness and aching I feel in my body.  This allows me to work longer in the kitchen accomplishing more every time I am in there. So, not only am I able to physically stay in the kitchen longer, I am also enjoying an audio-book or a movie that makes me happy, or music that lifts me up.  I am so thankful I have something that is such a blessed distraction.

Here’s to things that make our lives just a little bit easier!