no tv news

night television tv video

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January 1st, 2018 I decided to make a resolution not to watch any TV news.  I made this resolution half joking, saying it mainly out of frustration of all the depressing stories I heard day after day.  What I discovered after a few weeks was that I felt a bit better.  My anxiety dropped and I spent less time watching TV.   It was a wonderful experience/experiment and one I plan to carry on in 2019 as part of my……..do more of good and and less of the bad activities.

Wishing you a year of more good stuff in your life!

wild horses

nature animal fog freedom

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in my mind i am running free, like the wild horses, across the land without a care in the world

 

in my mind my body is capable, and I can freely go wherever it will take me

 

in my mind, my spirit is strong and independent just like the horses that run free

 

wild horses running free…..to move with such power and grace…..

 

…….in my mind…….

 

you

affection appreciation decoration design

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in your arms i experience true peace

no place do i feel safer, not even in my own mind – which creates chaos and worry

my chest full of rapid beats – you wrap your strong arms around me

your presence………

calms my heart

calms my thoughts

calms my soul……

 

I can’t remember squat

analysis blackboard board bubble

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…..and it is so darn frustrating and down right scary some days.  There are times the brain fog is so thick is seems as if I am trying to think my way through oatmeal, and the old-fashioned rolled ones at that.  I can’t remember peoples’ names, words, what I walked into a room for, or what I was going to say next.  These symptoms scare me, big time, and I have to work hard to keep my emotions in check as anxiety can come on strong and put me on a train to nowhere.

So, to assist with my memory, here are a few things that I do:

  1.  I make a lot of lists.  I keep a running list of items needed at the grocery store and  things to do …………….now if I can only keep track of all my lists!
  2.  I keep a calendar on my phone plus one in the kitchen and one in the bedroom.  I also keep separate calendars on the wall for each of my kiddos major projects, homework, and tests.  I realize this is a lot of calendars, but it has taken me years to discover what works for me.
  3.   I try not focus on my mental hiccups as it leads to anxiety which makes every single symptom in the entire world worse!
  4.   I consume healthy fats for my brain.
  5.   I do my best to stay properly hydrated.
  6.   I try to keep my brain active by reading, listening to music, researching, meditating, and trying to learn something new.  Who couldn’t be helped by memorizing some Shakespeare?…..shall I count the ways?!
  7.   I take omega 3 fatty acid every day.
  8.   I take magnesium every day.
  9.   I eat a large salad every day.
  10.   I try to move my body daily with some type of physical activity.

Memory issues, from my experience, seem to go along with many of chronic illnesses.  I would LOVE to hear what helps you………..

 

 

in your arms

 

person spreading hands against sun

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i feel safe from the world

i feel safe from my fears

this safety allows me to stop my tears

 

i hate feeling scared of what might be

but i am thankful that you are here to calm me

to whisper to me that it will all be ok

that you will, through it all, with me, will stay

your heartbeat

heart love sand

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lying by your side i hear your heartbeat

a sound that means life, represents love, and lets me know you are close

it is a sound i never tire of hearing

the sound that calms me as i lay scared

may it beat louder and stronger as I lay close

as long as your heart beats, mine will too

knowing you are close and I am safe………

lonely road

 

bare trees at golden hour

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no one can truly understand the pain and discomfort of  living

to understand the masks put on every day, to live within the confines of  this society, not to be viewed as worthless, useless, in a culture that wants fast paced living, quick movements, immediate answers, a fountain of youth, boundless energy, radiating health………..

we struggle to even maneuver down this path……….it is twisting, turning sharply with multiple bumps in the road

it’s a lonely road we roam…………..the desperation, the clinging onto hope, the desire to feel normal……………it is astounding thoughts of healing we try to keep alive – pushed to the back of our minds so not to be overwhelmed with the thoughts of what might be.

the road is endless and uncharted.  it is an intimidating place to ramble as the fog covers the path – your view is obscured…………you have no ability to see where you are going.

it’s like taking a trip, to an unknown place without any clue to where you are going or how you are going to get there…………..not a path I would have chosen to take, but one I am on nonetheless.

pain

adult alone anxious black and white

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in those deep and dark moments of physical and emotional pain you search your soul for strength………….

and in those moments you pray for guidance, for relief – that if there is a lesson to be learned………….to please reveal it in a clear and gentle way………….

maybe it is in these moments when we really learn how strong we are, or maybe it is how weak………..

that we can get through this on our own…………….or that we need others

we are mentally strong enough to tackle it head on……………..or how close we are  completely losing it………….

it is in these moments we realize just how fragile we are………..how we walk a pencil thin line everyday………….between making it and breaking down………….