in your arms

 

person spreading hands against sun

Photo by Victor Freitas on Pexels.com

 

i feel safe from the world

i feel safe from my fears

this safety allows me to stop my tears

 

i hate feeling scared of what might be

but i am thankful that you are here to calm me

to whisper to me that it will all be ok

that you will, through it all, with me, will stay

your heartbeat

heart love sand

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lying by your side i hear your heartbeat

a sound that means life, represents love, and lets me know you are close

it is a sound i never tire of hearing

the sound that calms me as i lay scared

may it beat louder and stronger as I lay close

as long as your heart beats, mine will too

knowing you are close and I am safe………

lonely road

 

bare trees at golden hour

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Pexels.com

 

 

no one can truly understand the pain and discomfort of  living

to understand the masks put on every day, to live within the confines of  this society, not to be viewed as worthless, useless, in a culture that wants fast paced living, quick movements, immediate answers, a fountain of youth, boundless energy, radiating health………..

we struggle to even maneuver down this path……….it is twisting, turning sharply with multiple bumps in the road

it’s a lonely road we roam…………..the desperation, the clinging onto hope, the desire to feel normal……………it is astounding thoughts of healing we try to keep alive – pushed to the back of our minds so not to be overwhelmed with the thoughts of what might be.

the road is endless and uncharted.  it is an intimidating place to ramble as the fog covers the path – your view is obscured…………you have no ability to see where you are going.

it’s like taking a trip, to an unknown place without any clue to where you are going or how you are going to get there…………..not a path I would have chosen to take, but one I am on nonetheless.

will you leave me?

man walking on floor

Photo by Umberto Shaw on Pexels.com

 

i can’t keep up with you……………

…………do you secretly want to leave me?

i anxiously worry about the future……………………what if i don’t heal

…………will you dream about leaving me?

what if i get worse………….and i can no longer leave the house?

………..will you pray about leaving me?

what if i require even more of your time and energy………………..

……….will you desire to leave me?

what if i can no longer walk by your side…………………

……………will you hope to live a life free of me?

what if you become bored and she can do more………….

………….will you plan to leave me?

i am so thankful you have stayed this long…………..is it selfish to ask for more?

who wants to be tied down when you are physically able and free to go………………….

……………do you want to leave me?

………….what if?

the dock

bridge colorful colourful dock

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I am standing on a weather worn dock, sticking out into the ocean.  It is strong and sturdy despite its wear.

behind me is  youthful exuberance, naturally green, full of movement and adventure.

I can’t really see it anymore……….if i turn around i have to squint to make out land, but I can tell it is green and there are people enjoying its beauty.

the waves roll on pass me.  the wind whips my clothing.

i can’t see very far in front of me.  i see the water, the waves coming in.  but there is no land……….no peninsula, no island, not even a boat in sight, no where to stop if I fall in.

the waves keep picking up speed.  the white caps begin to grow……….there is power in their beauty.  there is strength in their sound.

water hits the dock……..over the top and onto my bare legs…………it is so cold.

the water begins to come over the dock………i am holding on as not to be pull in by the waves.  How much strength will it take, how long will this last, how cold will it get?

i search for a place to go……………i can’t go back, the steps have vanished.

forward is water with no end in sight……………

and so I hold on and tell myself, I am strong.

words……….

words have the power of lightning…………..

 

magnificent and alluring…………………..

 

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or horrifying and destructive…………..

 

norman-oklahoma-lightning-dangerous-66867.jpeg

 

………………be the beauty in someone’s life today by choosing your words wisely.

10 things I do when I have to travel, while my stupid chronic illnesses tag along.

green and white volkswagen combi

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When I was much younger, traveling was something I looked forward to doing in my life.  I dreamed that some day I/we would have enough money to visit a few places I have always dreamed of seeing in person……..Italy, India, Cuba, Belize and the Southwest U.S.  Instead, extra money goes to pay medical bills and the thought of getting on a plane or sitting in a vehicle for a long road trip creates anxiety.  I already feel ill, being in a moving anything makes me feel worse…………every, single, time. Period.  It just sucks.

But there are times in our life when we need to go somewhere that requires being in a moving vehicle for more than a trip across town, and since teleportation isn’t a thing yet, I just have to suck it up and get through it.

So here are a few things that have made traveling more bearable for me:

  1.  I stay hydrated.  I always feel better when my body has adequate water.  Bottled is a must as tap (chlorinated) water makes me instantly ill.
  2.   I eat as healthy as possible.  Junk food makes me feel like just like that, junk.  I usually pack a cooler and bring cut up veggies, fruit, nuts and seeds, grain-free tortilla chips, and some health bars.
  3.   I watch the world pass by.  Unfortunately I can’t read, look at my phone or do much of anything other than look out the window while being in a moving object.  Doing otherwise has had some bad results.
  4.   I bring my pillows and blanket with me.  I must have a wedge pillow to sleep as elevating my head at night allows me to function better the next day.  Then my own blanket to cozy up with at the end of the day allows me to sleep better.
  5.   I don’t push myself into that k(no)w zone.  You know the place of no return, when you realize that if you do anymore you won’t be able to function the next day.  I use to worry about letting others down but now, I realize that even if I am going to unintentionally hurt someone’s feelings, I won’t force my body to do things it just doesn’t want to do.  I do what I can and know I have done my best.
  6.  I do my best to take all supplements and/or medication on time.  I keep these with me as I travel so I don’t have to waste precious energy frantically searching for them at the last minute.
  7.  I bring earbuds with me so I can listen to relaxing music or a podcast when I need to focus on something other than how crappy I feel.
  8.  I pack comfortable clothing and shoes.  I know we all want to look nice but comfort is so much more important.
  9.   If I am going to be busy on the day I arrive at my destination, I always ask for early check-in.  That way I have time to relax before I need to be somewhere.
  10.    I always bring my heating pad.  That way I have something to help relieve sore muscles other than a hot shower.

 

Until next time…………..YOU are a superhero and superheros sometimes have to fly!