living our best life possible – JUST SAY IT!

/ simplywendi
black microphone

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Through all the years I have lived with chronic illnesses, I have felt the pressure to say that I was ok, even when I absolutely was not.  These pressures may have come from my internal desire to be well, not wanting to admit that I was sick, or living, if only briefly, in a fantasy world of being normal.  Or it could be a result of societal pressures, of people not wanting to know the truth of illness, or hear about others’ problems because it is way more fun to listen to happy stories.  Maybe it was because I heard, “you don’t look sick” one too many times.  Maybe I was tired to hearing people tell me how so-and-so was cured from some new thing.  I am guessing it is a combination of reasons.

I have always felt looked down upon when I spoke the truth.  That I was being judged for being ill, that somehow it was my fault, and that I was not working hard enough at healing.  Whether or not this was true, it was how I felt, so it was my reality.

There are days I want to open my back door, step outside and scream, “This sucks ass!”  Yep, I just swore, trust me, God can handle my truth, even if others can’t.  Who am I expecting to hear this?  My chickens?  My neighbors?  No, just every single person I have ever lied to when I said I was ok.

So, is there something you have always wanted to say about your illness, but have been too afraid?  Something you have wanted to scream to the world, yourself, or others?  NO JUDGEMENT HERE!

Sometimes is takes us being very, very honest with ourselves and others before we can even have a snowball’s chance in hell to begin the very long road to healing. 

 

132 thoughts on “living our best life possible – JUST SAY IT!”

  2. I understand completely, with mental health problems and chronic illness. Soe=metimes it’s try to fore yourself positive, other times you don’t want to talk about it. and unless the person has similar circumstances they can’t really understand. It’s not that they don’t want to, they are just no able to grasps all we have to deal with. 🙂

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    • You are absolutely right………..somethings people just can’t understand! Hell, sometimes I can’t understand or handle all the things I have to deal with. I am thankful you took the time to leave such great comments. Thank you so very much!

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  3. I’m with you sister! I can’t repeat some of the things I have yelled up at God when I am just totally done with the suffering. Thank you for your honesty! I have had plenty of times like that! Sometimes I am so upset I can hardly talk or pray at all. The Lord is always patient with me and He always comforts me and lifts me up, as I know He does with you too. Blessings to you sister!

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    • I completely understand Ryan. God can handle what we have to say because He already knows our thoughts. I have said some pretty awful things but, He gets me through it again. It’s hard. Thank you so very much for taking the time to stop by and leave such honest comments. God bless you.

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  4. I understand your feelings Wendi. I really do. But those who look down on others do not deserve one second of our attention. They know how to hurt. We need to learn how to ignore them. It’s not easy. But we need to try. And we need to support as much as we can those you get hurt by others.
    Love and blessings Wendi 💝🌸💕🤗

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  6. I concur with all that you and everyone else has said webdi. I am sick of pain. Physical pain. I am sick for being weak and exhausted. I am sick of a lot of ther rhungs, a d people not wanting to lusten or nit recognising my struggle to do just what I do manage to do. I am lost foe wirds really. A good post wendi xxxx

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    • Lorraine, it is so good to read your comments………of course you are sick of people not listening to you, and not recogninzing the struggle it is to what you do every day. People have no idea what you live through, not that I do, but I do know that it sucks! Being at a loss for words makes sense, we rarely have someone sit long enough to really listen with an open mind. God bless you my friend. I so wish I could come and visit you.

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  7. I live in a senior retirement facility and in the Assisted Living area of the nursing care center. Everywhere the staff and other residents who live independently in cottages or apartments, say when they pass by me in the halls, ” How are you?” It is a social gesture and only friends really want to know the answer. I usually throw the ball back to them without answering and say,”How are you?” That startles them often and once in a while they say, “today isn’t a great day” or something to that effect, which gives me an opening to also answer them truthfully. If I am not honest with myself about how I really feel, it is true I cannot begin to adapt to the day’s reality, to listen carefully to what my body can handle as opposed to what I would like it to do. Reality always wins and when I surrender, it makes my day go more smoothly.

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    • Judi, this is such a beautifully honest response and I deeply appreciate you taking the time to leave these comments. God bless you for knowing what you are and are not able to handle, making your day go better. I hope today is treating you well.

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  8. This is a great post, thanks for sharing so openly. Yes, chronic illness, mental or physical, sucks ass for sure. I’ve heard so many insensitive things over the years including last week. It was a doozy. I now know I don’t need to change minds to know my own and respect where I am. It takes the power away from what used to either hurt or anger me.

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  9. Wendi, you really ask some great questions in this series of yours.
    Yeah, sometimes I just wanna let someone know how hard it is. There’s a lot to be said about sharing our suffering. Sometimes I think the issue lies with the “listening’ party. So few are listeners any more. If I let out a comment about how I’m doing, the other person is pretty quick to start in on their own trials, and I’ve learned to just sit back and become the listener.

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  11. That it is ok for me to be ill Wendi, give myself permission to have my ‘off’ days and even my good days. I no longer ‘be’ anything for anyone, like your comment of ‘I’m ok’ when you feel at the bottom of the barrel. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with an attitude of ‘I’m going to have a great day so you smile at everyone even though you are screaming inside’. That ‘is’ trying to be your best for ‘you’.
    It is only when we stand in our truth and have that permission from us to just be ‘us’ will living with any problem, illness or any of a thousand other things be real.
    Find us first, then the sun will truly rise in our hearts. May your sun be always glowing dear lady 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺 🌹 🌈

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    • I absolutely love your comments Mark. I read over them 3 times to make sure I felt what you were saying. You are right, we have to give ourselves permission, this is something that is very difficult for me to do with so many people that rely on me. But, standing in my own truth would be very freeing. God bless you Mark!

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  12. I think we live in a society that shuns illness. “Are you still sick?” “Have you tried tumeric?” “I had a cousin with that but she got better.” It’s just easier to say “I’m fine” and escape the backlash.

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  13. a very open and honest post Wendi, straight from your heart 🙂

    A few commenters concur, it’s helps if you can be honest with yourself and make that scream from the back door. For many “how are you” is merely a cursory greeting and they are not expecting an honest answer … so respond with a ready rote answer. But when family or friends genuinely ask then they deserve to hear your truth ❤

    take care precious 🙂

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  14. I have always resented having to kill myself to prove I am not lazy.
    Now I am called lazy and a liar by my doctors who think I have always been heavy.
    I did not start to gain weight until 2005 when I became bed and home bound for a time.
    I was actually accused of being anorexia till I gained the first 50 to 60 pounds.
    It makes me feel defeated. By I know God is for me! And is for you, Wendi!
    Me and God cherish you!! ❤ ❤

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  18. after reading all those comments I had to back and see what the blog was about again! If we were honest about our feelings all the time it would be so overwhelming, I know when someone is interested, and frankly I’m amazed when they are, but I really think if someone just wants to pass on a cheery greeting I’ll take that too, I don’t really want anyone to feel my pain. great blog post thank you.

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      • So it didn’t give me the option to “reblog” instead it said press this… I’m not sure that I did it right, but I did share it on msgracefulnot.com on facebook and my facebook page. Did I mention that it was great advice?!?!? As far as the MRI’s, I freaked… full blown panic attack complete with passing out and throwing up….smh

        Liked by 1 person

      • OH NO! Grace I am so very sorry. I have had MRIs and I always feel like I am going to die. I know how anxiety producing they are. Passing out and throwing up, I am deeply sorry you went through all this mess…………i wish I could have been there to hold your hand.
        God bless you for your kindness Grace, I am very humbled.

        Like

      • It’s all good. After being drugged up I did make it through them both. I even had a wheelchair race in the hall with my daughter afterwards. I sent you a comment/message something on wp…do you have a fb page or can i have your email? I will send you the video

        Liked by 1 person

      • I do not have facebook sorry. My email is hotmail and it sucks for video………if you try to send it it will not go through, I am so sorry. But somewhere on my blog is a contact page that will send a message to my email.

        Liked by 1 person

  20. Hi Wendi, though I have illnesses they aren’t chronic. I have seen my mum go through so much. I know that people who are well just dont get it, when it comes to a person with illness, who looks okay from the face of it. The thing with some illness they dont show on your face. People who are healthier then can’t see what you the one in pain is talking about. And they can be a bit unkind because of that. So I haven’t to say all is well, then at least you dont get any negative thoughts from that person. Even if you aren’t well it’s better to say to the inexperienced all is good, because it is less painful for us.

    I hope this makes sense.

    Rant over

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  21. Pingback: living our best life possible – JUST SAY IT! – MS Graceful…NOT!

  23. Thank you for sharing!.. while I do not ignore any health issues, neither do I dwell on them… I may have to make some adjustments from time to time but I continue to live life and follow my heart, not looking back too often… 🙂

    “Bad things do happen, how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have– life itself. “ Walter Anderson

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  24. You always ask really good questions. I always hated having asthma, as a kid I was always in the hospitals. My doctor called the hospital my second home. When I left home at 18 I would never tell anyone new I met about this side of my history, always trying to hide it and never bringing it up. I grew up in a home of smokers so my lungs had a chance to heal when I left home. Sometimes my asthma would still flare up, especially during colds and flu season. Whenever there is an x-ray taken of my lungs the doctors always comment on the scars everywhere from being sick, but my lungs are healthy now, just scaring. My asthma is still with me during allergy season, some exercising, laughing too much, being sick with a simple cold…it happens. My husband didn’t know I had asthma until he took me to Italy and I had an attack in a very polluted town we were staying in where his Nonna lived. It was before we got married and when I was struggling to breath he looked at me and asked me why I never told him I had asthma. He knew by watching me that I had it, can’t miss the wheezing noise. He went to the kitchen and made black coffee and told me to drink it to help me breath until he was able to call a family member over to help me with medication. He has family in the medical professions. I was always ashamed of being sick as a child and just wanted to not have to always deal with that so my way to get around that was to just never bring it up. I still do this, old habits are hard to break I guess.

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    • thank you so very much for sharing such a personal story. I can’t imagine how frustrating being ill and in the hospital all the time as a child was for you. But your story gives me insight as to why my children do not tell others about their illnesses………they are embarrassed I can imagine and not wanting to be treated differently.
      Thank you again, for sharing this part of your life. This will help others I am sure, it has already helped me. God bless you…..

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  25. I sometimes wonder when people ask how I’m feeling, if they really want the truth that I feel terrible or just want to show a little interest in me without really getting all the details. Do I tell them how bad I feel or just smile and “I’m fine.”

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    • thank you so much Barbara for stopping by and commenting. you are so right, we never really know what people are thinking………although I am pretty sure most people just want to hear, “I am fine” and move on. 🙂
      I hope today is behaving for you. God bless you.

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  26. Oy oy. I hear you. I try not to complain but it helps when I say ouch. I still wonder if I’m just lazy. So today I walked maybe a mile and my feet felt swollen and my hip started hurting and blah blah blah. I could pop pain pills, but if I took them all the time I would be called an addict…. I would stay in bed all day but it hurts! Lol

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    • I completely understand Ruth! I think those of us with chronic illnesses wonder if we are lazy, but deep down, we know we are not. and when it comes to activity or inactivity – we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. good for you for getting that mile in……..I hope you recovered quickly.

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  27. When people ask me how I am, they are just making conversation. Most of the time I just say “I’m as good as I can be” smile and change the subject. They don’t really care My daughter has fibromyalgia so I fully understand what you are saying. She gets just as frustrated with people. What I have learned that most people only care about what affects them. Sad.

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  30. Fantastic post – It can be hard to be honest with ourselves sometimes as we’re often so reserved with others when it comes to the truth about how we’re feeling. We get so damn good at the smiling mask and the “I’m fine” response. As you say though, we end up doing that for a reason. Sometimes we don’t want to be a burden but more often than not it’s because of the response. I’m sorry you’ve been met with the responses you have too, it’s awful. Feeling judged, looked at as though you’re being too sensitive or that you’re over exaggerating how things are. Even when I massively underplay how much pain I’m in or how rough I feel, I still feel guilty for saying it and worry that I’m being judged for not saying that I’m fine. “I’m fine” is just easier all-round, but we wind up feeling resentful for it (or at least I do sometimes).
    Caz xx

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    • God bless you Caz for taking time to respond to this post………..you got it 100 Percent! This is exactly the point I was trying to make. I am so sorry that you understand…………but knowing that someone else gets it makes it feel so much less lonely.

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  31. My honesty about my illness has landed me with a single friend that still comes to see me after five years of illness. The way I see it, those people obviously were never the friends and family I thought they were and certainly do not hold the compassion I do. It’s frustrating but here we are despite it all. I’m not going to be dishonest to protect the feelings of people who would easily walk away when I needed them most. Sorry a little heavy, but again…truth ❤️

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    • I LOVE your response! I love your comment, “here we are despite it all.” you are so right……..they were never true friends or family to begin with and then why should be protect them. Again, i LOVE THIS!!!!! Thank you for saying your truth and the truth of so many of us who live this life. You are amazing.

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    • You are absolutely right Deeksha! It is really difficult to keep calm at times………..”I am fine” is the best way to allow the conversation to move on.
      Thanks so much for taking the time to stop by and comment, I really appeciate it.

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  35. I get so fed up with the ‘how are you’s, that are just a phrase not a genuine enquiry! And I always just answer “great thanks” even if it’s miles from the truth! I’m slowly letting myself listen to my body and I know we’d be the first to be kind to others but so slow learning the lesson of self love! Great post Wendi! We don’t have to measure up to anything or anyone, just be yourself! X

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  36. I love your bravery and your honesty. For a long time I struggled with others knowing about my depression, like it was just feeling sorry for myself. I felt guilty fir needing medication to help me cope with life in general to say the least of the more complicated issues. I’m an at peace with myself knowing that it’s just part of me, no different than my hair or eye color. I am a beloved child of God. I was created With intentionality and purpose. The only persons opinion that matters is God’s. This all may sound like it’s easy but I know it is not. Be you and live your best life!

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    • Thank you so very much for your kindness and your willingness to share part of your story here. Living with illness is hard but you are right, we are children of God and because we are daughters of The King, it does not matter what others think of us. 🙂 God bless you for this reminder.

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  37. Learning to be honest with ourselves is a major step forward Wendi… We so often put others first and ourselves last… This is merely beginning to admit the truth to yourself.. And shouting out your truth is a wonderful start.. So Shout away…. Go for it…
    And when you are tired and aching and feeling low, its not being weak in admitting to others you need to rest… Learning to say that little word NO! that so many of us find so hard to say..
    Your higher self is speaking all the while to you, but often we are very stubborn and fail to listen…

    My own illness’s came to stop me in my tracks that I should listen… Listen to my body and learn to love and nurture it above all else… It took years before I really understood, as I travelled deeper into my self, pulling all of the conditioning out, and learning to once again find that Inner child whose wounds and hurts had festered into her illness’s….
    Sometimes we also need to vent out the anger and the anguish we hold…. So shout away… I would beat my bed pillows to a pulp lol….

    But When we begin pouring that self love back in on ourselves, nurturing ourselves, I found the courage to speak my truth.. My inner healing journey began, which led onto me feeling better..

    Much love dear Wendi… Just say it like it is….. ❤

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    • You always write the most amazingly, help-filled words that speak to me exactly where I am. I rarely listen to myself and have a very hard time saying no, and it is exhausting. My deepest desire is to stay in bed for an entire week……..I have felt this pull for so long and I just can’t seem to work it into my “schedule” I still have all my kids at home (I had kids older) and I have to drive them places. But I feel as if I need a week to reorganize my thoughts, behaviors, and focus only on me. Does this make any sense? Thank you from the bottom on my heart for your willingness to help me!

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      • It makes so much sense. While you have your children’s well being to take care of, at times it’s also important to hold your own well being at heart. For if you do not take more care of you, who will take care of them, if your children are old enough to understand this, then giving yourself permission to rest must me addressed and discussed as a family. If only for a few days.
        And during this time, of quiet rest, as you want your mind to figure things out. Remember to ask for the healing you need. Connecting to that source which is our creator, divine love. And say I am the centre of my own Universe, and the universe resides within me, I am healed from within and without. All is well in my world.
        Love of self is not selfish. Did not Jesus say take up thy bed and heal thyself, meaning we are all healers, and the kingdom of God lies within, meaning our power of mind over matter has been forgotten.
        I say these things only to guide you, for you are the centre of your own universe, and choices.
        Sending continued healing energy your way Wendi and much love. 💓💕💓

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      • Thank you so very much Sue for leaving such helpful comments. I have 4 teens and I have a lot of driving………but, I am going to figure this out and do what I need to do and soon. It has been such a strong pull for me to “hideaway” for over a year and it has yet to happen……I am going to take your advice on my time off and take some bigger steps towards healing. God bless you Sue……….I am deeply appreciative of your time and insight.

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  39. when I took a few minutes to read some of your posts, I realized I was not following you!! Was sure I was, sorry about that, will pay more attention. Love your posts!

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  40. I have so much I want to spew, but I agree w/ every single thing you said. When someone asks me how I am I don”t answer & just ask hoe they are. I have often felt if I was missing an arm people would be able to believe every second of my life my brain is 90% distracted with how shitty I feel. And if you do scram this sucks & hear an echo you’ll know it was me.

    Good luck & best wishes from someone who truly understands and has no problem listening & sharing guilt free.

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    • I am so very sorry that you could feel my words…..it is so very hard to go through life ill every single minute. Hey, I would love a scream buddy! 🙂 it is always so much more fun to share your frustrations with someone who gets it. 🙂
      God bless you……..

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